In The Trenches

Today I Didn't Do Anything

2012-01-21T23:12:00.002-05:00

Today was really awesome.

I ate lunch at Bob Evens.

And dinner was a Deep Dish Delivered Pizza.

I did not do a single load of laundry.

nor did the dishwasher run once!

I talked on the phone to my mom for probably almost an hour.

And watched a ton of Lifetime television.

My new little heater Mike gave me for Christmas steadily hummed beside me.

I ordered a bunch of clothes from my favorite magazine for Spring.

And played the piano some.

Summer took the LONGEST bubble bath on record, and I napped beside her while she played!

Mike made a cherry cheesecake.

Fa-reaking. Aw. some.

I love days like this. <3

To Be Thought Of

2012-01-13T12:55:00.004-05:00

Friendships are a gift. They are also a risk. If you do it right, you give your heart and soul to some one's trust. But to do it completely can give you such a beautiful chance in life, that I don't think is worth missing. I have been blessed with a few crossed paths of very special friends. Some that we connected so much and my life was enriched and grew...well I take that back...all of them my life grew from and lessons were learned. Some of these ended and about broke my heart in the process, but new journeys were ahead for me with new wonderful adventures ahead. Each of these friends had wonderful times and love and a bond I felt with them.

Never had I had the unique relationship that I have with my friend Lacey. The way we met in itself is absurd. We met through reading each other's blogs and I admired her writings. On the surface, we were very different. I am older, she is younger. I am a housewife with children, she is not married, living in a committed relationship with her boyfriend. I live in Ohio, she lives in Arizona. To think that a comment on a blog post would lead to everyday talking, and several trips each year to each other's homes, and the way our lives have become embedded is crazy. But when you do scratch the surface, Lacey and I are really verymuchalike and mesh very well together. She gets me. I get her. Do you know how nice that is to have someone in the world...GET you??

So this Christmas, even I was floored when I opened my presents from her. She had given me 12 gifts...the 12 days of Christmas...sent in early December, but made to wait until Christmas Eve. On the phone, late that night I opened my presents with her, one by one.

Never. Have I felt so loved.

To have someone to have THOUGHT about ME so much.

ME.

Entirely just ME.

By gift 3 I was a mess.

It touched my heart.

She chose things that meant something, each time. 12 times. Each with a handwritten note. From making up my own jar of the special seasoning they used on steak the last time I came to Arizona and we grilled out, to the finale of special cake pans for my fondant cakes. It was the best Christmas gift I've ever gotten.

I feel beyond blessed to have been given the chance to have a friend like this. Thank you Lacey. Bring on the Fonduuuuuuuuu!

Proud Mama

2012-01-11T15:35:00.004-05:00

These days...Times are Tough, and Jobs are Scarce. It isn't like it use to be when I was a teenager. Back then I easily could walk out of a job and end up with another by the end of the week. In my short lived teenage working years, I had had such a variety of jobs that I had experienced many different working cultures. But now it seems it application after application can go out just to never be heard back from for these kids. Places just aren't hiring like they use to.

Tatum has been lucky, and at 15 got hired at our local YMCA to be a gymnastics coach. Her years of being involved in the sport and on the team helped! For the past 3 years she has worked there coaching classes to preschoolers and also teaching summer camps. But now, For a variety reasons, she was ready to move on. She knew the job market out there wasn't pretty. She gently put out some applications to a deafening silence. She got a little more active. Nada.

So my daughter took matters in to her own hands. And this is what she did! She took those 3 years teaching experience. She took her babysitting experience. She took her certification from Red Cross showing she knew safety. She showed her experienced from working and volunteering with the handicap in her school and she created and and account on a website that was for Nannys. Attached with her picture and phone number she advertised herself! HA!

She is now working for a very nice well off family with 3 children. After interviews and contracts, she is there everyday for the kids and house. She does light house keeping and homework. She has a pass to the local theme park this summer to take the kids, and she is happy!

She came up with this all herself. Her dad nor I were not involved at all. Between graduating, and acceptance into college, her job, and it all, we are so proud of how she handles herself.

Go Tatum!

New Years Resolu..er Goals!

2012-01-04T17:56:00.010-05:00

I am putting these down for safe keeping. I am master of lists. I love them. I think I love to overwhelm myself. No honestly. My mom always said I was grace under pressure, and I think it makes me feel good to feel an urgency to accomplish or to motivate or...does that even make sense?? Anyways, I KNOW I probably won't get everything on this list done this year, but it makes me feel excited to take on the challenge. And that is why I will optimistically list them just as goals.

2012picture taken from google image

**Get house top to bottom Organized. Black hangers/gut master closet/only good clothes. scrub out bathroom cabinets, shed, garage, attic. Kitchen cupboards Etc.

***Lasik I think I am ready to ditch the glasses.

***Grow My Hair Out Long

***Get Healthy

***Face my Stretch Marks.(Pencil drawing by Jean Keaton)

***Go To Church Regularly

***Get a New Camera

***Pay off Stores Completely

***Get back into regular Physical activity-yoga with Mike, walking with Malinda, Zumba

***learn to dance with Mike

***House Updates-build Patio, Finish Basement, FR furniture, Paint Walls and Ceilings, Seperate Boys?

***Plan fun trips with family-important to make time!!! (I definitely see the beach in our future!)

***Kick ass graduation party (hence the kick ass patio!!)

***Summer sleeps in HER bed at night. Oy vey.
***See Alcatraz with Lacey.

***Balance Ledger and CD log all Photos...Holy crap!

***Wake up at a good time and get on a better schedule

***Blog more

Best Friends Thru the Years...Bathroom Shots and All!

2012-01-03T20:24:00.010-05:00

I remember when I moved Robin said that this would be it. That once people move, it never stays the same. Friends move on, and leave. It broke my heart when she said that. We had lived smack next door to each other for EIGHT years and been apart of each other lives for so long. From cookouts and weight loss. Long walks and drinks. She was Matthew's God mother, and she was my best friend. I told her I wasn't going to let that happen. I guess in the end, we both were a little right. People do move on. Well LIFE does move on. But I still love her the same. I think we have to try really hard to even keep caught up with each other, but when we do, it grounds us. We have tried to celebrate at least once a year, by dressing up and going out to a ridiculously nice restaurant and living it up. Just us adults. Drinking and laughing and catching up. The other night was our New Year's Night out with Dan and Robin and it was wonderful to be with them again. Here is a look back. Hard to believe it has been almost 7 years since we moved...

2007 going into2008
Robin and I make a point to go to the bathroom and take our shot. Shoot...we didn't get dressed up fo' nothing! LOL!
2009 going into 2010
2010 going into 2011

2011 going into 2012

Ready to start this year off right now! Love you girl!!!

Kitchen Update!!!

2011-12-30T23:23:00.007-05:00

Our New Countertops came today!!! Whew. Merry Christmas to us!!! The pictures are SOOO subtle, but in person, it does really make such a difference, AND give it a more streamline, clean look.
ABOVE IS BEFORE..........
.
.
.and BELOW is AFTER!!!!!!

Below is the Old sink and Countertops.....
and now the NEW!!!!
NEW!
NEW!
YAY! We are super happy with the improvement, and ready to start the new year with a kick a$$ kitchen, lol!!!

Ballroom Dancing

2011-12-28T00:27:00.004-05:00

The gift was for us. A designated time to set off into a new territory alone together. I think it has surprised us both how much we like it. Out of the box, finding each other, enjoying each other.

Stockings!

2011-12-24T10:10:00.004-05:00

For Christmas we have taken on the tradition of doing the stockings as an exchange. That way it gets everyone involved in the act of giving, and doesn't overwhelm ME so much! It's fun and on Thanksgiving everyone loves passing the hat to see what name they draw!

This year I was super excited to see that I had gotten Mike's name. You remember the post I did about Mike losing his wedding ring, and it has now been 6 months that that man has walked this earth with bare hands.

I knew that I had a $30 cap on our stockings, but oh what fun it would be for him to find a wrapped jewelery box at the bottom of HIS stocking!!!

Our rings are white gold, and when I went into the jewelery store to find him a ring I was floored to see how much white gold bands were now! I had been aware of all the commercials advertising selling old jewelery and how the price of gold had gone up...but I guess I hadn't put two and two together. This was not me selling! This was me buying! Hrmph! It was tooo much!

The jeweler and I came up with a great compromise. Until He and I can get nice expensive set (which 19 years later still don't have...it's okay sentimental does outweigh it all) there was a beautiful cheaper metal called Dura Colbolt. I got a design on it, but it isn't etched so flour from work won't get stuck in it! Awesome!

It feels so good to have a ring back on his finger. I think he loves it:) I know I do!

My Secret Photography Project

2011-12-19T21:05:00.010-05:00

This is the secret photography project I have been working on. We have dedicated a room in our house to some of my work. A neighbor of ours who use to own a little shop in town recently moved and cleared out all of these window panes which I cleaned up and used as frames.

Some of the pictures are really dark, but since we put the Christmas tree in here, I wanted to capture the beauty of the Christmas lights lighted on the glass, and took it in Manual. Haven't quite mastered Manual and darkness yet.

Thanks Kimber

2011-12-16T11:38:00.003-05:00

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Louis De Bernieres

Our Rainbow Girl

2011-12-11T21:11:00.009-05:00

For Summer's Preschool "Breakfast With Santa", they put on a little performance before hand. The build up for this in my four year old's mind had made her about half wild. For the past month Summer has been learning all the words to various Christmas songs, very caught up in the story of Jesus and his birth, and super excited about the little program they were going to put on. Her daily make believe and play includes babies that are Jesus and Daddy is called "Mary" and it really has been a fun phase.

One of the things she talked about in the weeks leading up to the event was that some of the children were going to get costumes! I asked her what her costume was going to be, but she wouldn't tell me. She just would say that it was a secret. As the weeks went by, I did get out of her that some of her friends were angels, and finally she did relent and tell me in a whisper that she was a rainbow.

A rainbow!

So as the day slowly came, I divulged the secret of her dressed up rainbow costume to my mother and husband and anxiously waited in the audience for the program to start. She had been dropped off to her preschool teachers caring hands and was going to be led in.

Camcorder and camera was ready, but I was not. Here is Summer.

LOL! She was one of the Three Wise Men.

Happy as a clam in her "rainbow" cloak, her fellow girlie preschooler wore halo's and wings, but my daughter clunked her present for baby Jesus in the manager and took her spot on the stage with a big smile on her face.

After, we received beautiful handmade presents from the children and got to see Santa while we ate.

(waiting in line to see the big guy)
(she sat on MRS. Claus's lap, lol)
It was a fantastic start to the weekend. I'm so sad thinking this is the last baby of mine {{sniff}} What fun memories we made!

My Weekend ~Trenches Style

2011-12-06T12:56:00.002-05:00

For Christmas Mike and I decided our gift to each other would be a big project for the house, and so we are investing in the kitchen. We are redoing the counter tops and putting in a new sink, and although this is very exciting and something to look forward to, we need to keep it within a budget ( granite can get unsightly expensive!!!) and the process of ordering and setting up in home remodeling stores are not so fun with 4year olds :)

As this weekend approached and we narrowed down what we were going to do, our microwave door came off in my hand. Really!? And on our list of something to grab and Mike could install himself in this 2 day block got penciled in.

There was also the town's annual Horse Drawn Christmas parade through town. Summer got invited to her friends house, who sits right on the main street for the perfect view. We couldn't miss that!

And so with our kids (well minus the working one (Tatum) and the sleeping hormonal one (Jake) ) we set out with our dressed up puppy in control of this weekend.

Hours and HOURS later as we carried in exhausted kids, dog, coats, and microwave....with the door wide open for the box to fit through the door...in ALSO came in a BIRD!

So as Mike installed a microwave with the old one sitting in the yard and Summer sitting in the boxes in the family room...Jake and Matthew carried in ladders and tried to help me catch the wild bird who chirped and clung to our 2nd story chandelier.

Finally with towels and and the house torned apart, mud from the extension ladder on the walls, bird caught, I left to go pick up a pizza for dinner. Microwave installed. We all went to bed.

Sunday came with me running back to the Home improvement store to finalize the kitchen order, and coming home to realize that our one cat had been trapped in Tatum's room for over a day. (she had spent the night at a friends and did not come home) He had used her bed and laundry piles as a litter box.

Start up the Washing machines! OMG.

So as I tore apart her room and threw stuff out, did homework with Matthew, and took Jake to Kohls for jeans, Lol, Matthew out of the blue decides to tell me that he wants to be baptised.

Bless his heart.

I stopped with everything and talked with him. He said he knows that Tatum and Jake have been and he wants it too.

Looks like we're going to church on Sunday :)

It was a whirlwind that's for sure. I don't even know how I'm going to get Christmas together, lol! But it's all good. It's all awesomely good.

Merry Christmas TO ME!!

2011-12-03T15:20:00.005-05:00

I got my package from Arizona ( Lacey ) today!!! She is super wonderful. She did what I did for her last year and has filled my holiday season with the 12 days of Christmas!!! A present every day JUST FOR ME! The problem?? Ummm. It is FREAKING DECEMBER 3rd! And I have no restraint.

But I am determined to make this special. And as meaningful as she meant it to be, so in the name of honoring our friendship, I WILL NOT ALLOW myself to ruin it by opening them all rightthisverysecond. (even though I really really REALLY want to!)
( I think she wrapped the ones in HO HO HO paper just to mock me! You think??)

The Verdit Is In

2011-12-02T17:12:00.004-05:00

My testing went off without a hitch. I can thank Jesus for all He has done for me and for watching over me this entire time. Everything really did go pretty smoothly and I am so grateful that my results didn't come back in the many wild directions they could have gone.

Long and short of it is I have several ulcers in my stomach area. When I asked the Dr. how many, he just emphasised "MANY". Some were bad enough they were bleeding, and some looked as if they were about too. But this I can handle. Given my directions of what to do, I am on it. I go back in 8 weeks for another upper GI.

I am so blessed to have such friends surround me. One, who has been through it all, and just having that connection of "you know" gave me such comfort and relief to be able to talk it over with. Thank you Lisa.
One upped her friend card to the highest level, and while I was left alone with a house full of kids and a suprep bowel kit, LOL, googled the heck of all my questions as fast as I could text, and though MILES and states away, stayed by side the whole night seeing it through. We laughed, we cried, we talked about poo more than people ever should, but THAT is what a real friend does. Thank you Lacey.
I had friends pray and send texts and show up at the door with baked goods. Just having me in your thoughts meant so much. Love you Linna.

And my mom and husband. Who dropped everything to take care of life for me for the day. Thank you guys. I love you both so much and do not know what I would with out you.

So I am back on track to getting healthy. And grateful for the chance.

The Good The Bad and The Ugly

2011-11-29T17:21:00.002-05:00

Today has had a BROAD spectrum of highs and lows hitting here in the trenches.

I duck and weave as necessary, but really am holding my own. The good is oh so good and I just roll with the punches as they come.

It's laughable really the descriptions of events in this odd day, and easier to just give you some of the classic glimpses.

Tomorrow I cannot eat. At all. Only liquids, and have to do some horrific preparations for scopes they are planning to do the NEXT day at the hospital. It was super fun going to the grocery store pharmacy and having a 20 something girl not be able to find my "BOWEL PREP". As I joked that that looked horrifying when she brought a abnormal big prescription bag over, she soothed me by telling me that I had ordered for me the "smallest one"...so I was lucky.

Yay Me!!!

As my 14 year old gently put it, it's like I'm getting a car wash on my insides.

can I hear another Yay?!?!

Throughout the day I have been working with my friend from childhood who is a travel agent, and got a screaming deal on Mike and I's tropical getaway! The deal ended today though and we had to move on it! So we did! (for real this time..) YIPEEEE!!!

We are going to Antigua in the Caribbean, and staying in an all inclusive Adults only resort. Flipping amazing and beautiful and for almost a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was a beautiful gift to my day. I am counting down to May!

Tatum has been throwing up for two days, so Jake joined her today. I picked him up from school about 20 minutes after he got there. Poor Guy. I can't afford to get sick with the next few days so he is banished to his room. I don't think he cares too much. Feeling like death and all.

Summer had preschool and dance, and I had Piano, which was AWESOME.

I don't know. They say snow is coming!? Our Christmas tree is up, and my main goal in the house is laundry and puppy pee, LOL. Wish me luck on tomorrow. And the next day. Here I goooooooo!

Do I Doubt His Commitment ...(to finding it!)

2011-11-27T15:11:00.004-05:00

...No.

Is it going to happen.

....No.

LOL!

Let me back up here and explain.

My husband. Of almost 19 years. Has done the unthinkable.

He lost his wedding ring.

MONTHS ago. It has been gone for months.

Although, if you ask him, he will tell you, bare handed, it is NOT lost.

He KNOWS where it is.

He just can't get it.

Or find it....exactly.

You see, early this summer, driving home in the dark, it flew off his hand in the car. Into his extremely messy Honda Pilot 8 seater car. (filled with guitars and amps and Papa johns stuff...and trash). He ASSURED me that it was just a matter of time before it would turn up.

He looked.

I looked.

He cleaned the car.

I cleaned the car.

Months, time, and frustrations passed.

I would occasionally hold his naked hands and tease.

But it really got his goat!

I started to see that he really, REALLY did not KNOW where it was and it hurt him not to have it. It was no fun to tease him then... bleh.

So here we are in almost December and still no ring.

And do you know what I came home to yesterday???

That man. That man had UNBOLTED THE FACTORY PLACED FRONT SEATS of his car. To be sure. To MAKE sure that he hadn't overlooked a spot.

OMG.

That cannot be safe.

I guess I know without a doubt now his dedication to wearing his wedding band :)

My Boys

2011-11-22T11:41:00.002-05:00

My boys are not book reading, chess playing, lego building kind of boys.

No offense to those of you who have those kinds of boys. In fact...yay for you!~

I on the other hand do NOT have those kind of boys.

I have farting, putting in headlocks, "what does THIS do", "How can I break this", climbing on top of, loud, thundering, messy, boys.

The kind that get virus's in your computer over and over and over from unspeakables ( true story)

The kind that test out air pellet guns in sweatshirts. ( stupid true story)

The kind that play with matches in the woods. ( dead meat true story)

The kind that fight warts and ringworms and every kind of gross malady ( eeww true story)

The kind that shoot their little brother in the belly button with liquid nitrogen (not funny and true story)

The kind that eat spoon of peanut butter stirred in cups of milk ( true story )

The kind that their room smell so bad you have to locate the the rotten food ( clementine this time...again not funny...had mold..true story)

But my boys have this amazing heart that you can NOT make come out...it comes out on it own. That is the kind that makes you the proudest though. When they check on you. When they offer to help. When they stand up for you. When they curl up with you and watch tv.

But I know that this time with them is a glimmer and I take it all. These maddening, beautiful, crazy, sweet, messy, boys. One who is now as tall as me, and both who now are stronger than me. What a ride. What a ride!

What You Talkin Bout Willis??

2011-11-21T13:09:00.002-05:00

I had my appointment today with the specialist and I feel positive as to where things are going. Scopes are set up for next week to determine for fact the problems, but the Dr. is leaning towards a pretty good ulcer.

As I sat there talking with the Dr. and he was taking apart my history, he was acknowledging the significant blood loss I had had, and the new onset of anemia. He casually says to me... "so are you eating allot of ice?"

This struck me as SO odd! 1.) because that is not something normally said to you, but 2.) Yes, YES, YES!!! I had been!!!

I was so taken aback by this. That he knew...KNEW of my secret ice eating habits that had been forming over the past few months!, that I stammered..."howdidyou KNOW?!?!?!"

He laughed and said it was a symptom of anemia and asked if I was drawn to eating play-dough or other odd things in which I shook my head no to profusely, but was amazed that he KNEW!

For months I had been driving through drive thru's at restaurants ordering fountains drinks, JUST to get the crunched ice. Certain restaurants had better cuts, is how crazy I had gotten. This strange habit had slowly sliden into my life quietly and with how busy my life is, I had not given it much thought. UNTIL this appt. At times I was aware that it was a bit odd...when Mike and I watched TV and I would crunch away on ice, and I would think to myself..."gosh I am LOUD...LOL!". But otherwise, until this moment, I had written it off.

I could of sat there freaking out about colonoscopy's and upper GI scopes, but I was so taken aback by being called on this, silly me kept telling the Dr..."I can't believe you knew about the ice!"

I feel good that something so ridiculous made the appt. light, and I now have the game plan of what to do to get better.

Gravity

2011-11-17T13:10:00.004-05:00

I know that maybe I should be feeling alot more than relief about this, but really I gotta just go with the emotions I am feeling at the time. I am sure all the other feelings will come and fall into place.

For a very long time I have tried to keep up. With everybody else. I have secretly felt bad that I couldn't. I felt embarrassed that I couldn't. I have fought anxiety and depression and blamed it on that. Sleeping 9 hours a night wasn't enough and I felt exhausted all the time. I blamed it on the strain of raising my kids, running our home, running our business, keeping our marriage. I felt alone and lost that I wasn't able to do it all. You hear everywhere that everyone struggles to do it all, and I thought that I was just struggling like everyone else, but just really bad at it...

For my Dr visit that I have to attend for her to be able to continue the prescriptions I am on for my headaches and such, I did a blood test. The results that came back were very surprising.

She noticed that I am anemic, which is the part that I feel great relief on. FINALLY it isn't all in my head. All this time, the freezing and the exhaustion was not me being lazy or not involved. It was real! I was put right on iron. The scary part that I guess will catch up with me, is that the test that shows I am anemic also shows that I have lost 3 and a half liters of blood.

Liters!

This of course has to be addressed and is and will and next week is already filled with dr appt.'s and scopes of horrifying nature and discussions of real hard things.

But for now.

I am going to start feeling better. Iron pill by iron pill. I am going to cherish this sunny day and my kids and my husband. I am going to take my pictures and read my books a walk my puppy, and love this moment in time I have been given. What relief it is to know a better you is to come!

The New Eighteen

2011-11-12T17:00:00.011-05:00

It is here.

The number we waited for, strived for, prayed to get to. Don't know what to do with now that we are here.

For so long our goal has been to make it. To make a house full of love, foundations strong, lessons we learned not needing history to repeat itself. We took the hard way sometimes and we took our way. We held on, and now we are having to let go. The difficult dance of when to do what, and where is HARD to know.

Sometimes I get heady and drunk on compliments and think to myself..."Oh wow. This was an amazing journey, and we did awesome!". And then other times I think if my body and mind and soul can handle this. Cause it all feels like it is breaking at once.

I almost think it got harder once the dial on that clock changed. We lost some leverage, and challenges arose. Seeing what you have hoped so hard for and then letting go, knowing they do not carry on with the same path you started for them. Letting them walk it now. Still being there to guide them, but oh how the rules have seemed to change.

This has been a bittersweet birthday. One that started 18 years ago with a girl younger than her, choosing a life for her and her baby. Now I have to learn how to let go and let her choose, but find the balance of always being there and loving her. It becomes a blur of your dreams for her and what her dreams are and the tightrope walk of standing your ground on respect but yet letting her fall if she has to. How do you let someone fall that you have always caught???

Anyways. It has been a month now since her birthday and oh what a field of emotions that have ensued since. I am just now getting to put up the pictures of her birthday. It was a beautiful night, and just how I had hoped. An elegant promising proud evening to honor our daughter, our first born whom we are so proud of and raised to this age.

Be Inspired

2011-11-09T23:04:00.002-05:00

Do you hear that sound???

That music playing??

That is inspiration.

It broke through.

It broke through the static.

Thank Goodness, because the static was beating me down. {{{{The dog just peed on the newly cleaned carpets, and you missed your appt. with the High School for the college presentation}}}

THAT sound is the song I am learning to play right now. Yup. After, oh 20 some years of NOT really playing. I took piano for a decade as a child and just couldn't fit it into adult life. And when Lacey came to visit, and there was a slight pause in the static, INSPIRATION slipped in. In the form of Adele. {{{ 18 year old wants to move in with her boyfriend, 4 year old just cut her finger with daddy's razor}}}

I'm clinging to this. I will make this happen. When I get inspired, you have to watch out. I have lists and projects and this is at the top. Keys are being replaced and lessons are being sought. I am stabbing it out in my free time, yelling over the static if I have to! {{{ 14 year old could sell ice to eskimos and badger me literally to ulcers. 19 years is a long time to be married and I'm not in the mood for setting any records right now, lol }}}

{{{ Said 14 year old fed puppy half jar of nutella with is now in the form of vomit on newly said cleaned carpets, along with the chocolate milk that they are not suppose to have in the family room}}}

I feel pivotal.

Slide

2011-11-08T23:19:00.002-05:00

Apple juice was still needed. People still needed clean towels. I knew if I held on tight enough it slowly would all just slide back.

My grip quivered the most it ever has though.

I Heart Fall

2011-11-02T13:53:00.003-04:00

I love our little town we live in...you never know WHAT you're going to come across!

Awake and Alive

2011-10-30T23:03:00.016-04:00

***Experiencing Fall*** Lacey's Visit from AZ
makingfondant**readingthanwatchingTHESTAND**GoingtoSGintherain**tastingGoldStarand WhiteCastleforthefirsttime**workingon"what'swrongwithyoupeople's!!!"computer(thanksforthe
ramandbackupthingy)

PumpkinPatch***SPCA,ARF,Leagueforanimalwelfare**curledhairbyTatum**stakingoutateenager
carvningpumpkinswithatoothpick**Ziplining**Deweyssucks**secretTexasRhoadhousewillynelson
booth**WatchedPetCemetary**overdoseonWhits**walkswithHenry**deletingmyaddict..SOB

DogPark**TreePicture**LoveyouMissyoualready!!!!!

Dear Lacey...I am Insane,

2011-10-23T11:02:00.002-04:00

Dear Lacey,

Since we are best friends, I know you already know this, but I need to reiterate.

I am insane.

Since it is only 3 days now till you arrive in Ohio from Arizona, and I have meticulously planned and counted down the of your coming like the Apocalypse, you would think that everything is in tip top shape.

Since you know me so well, of course you know I have everything lined up amazingly well.

Since you know my life so well you know that nothing has gone as planned.

We both agreed that you have top priority and will NOT be sleeping in the garage, so there is that!

After Matthew's dental emergency which wiped out a precious school day, followed by Summer getting sick, celebrating Tatum's 18th birthday, sending Jake off to Washington DC with his 8th grade class, and being in charge of the afterprom's booth in the town Howl-O-Ween Dog Parade, I swear I tried to stay on course and clean and do laundry and stock up on our plans. But crazy ideas hit me....

Like painting a wall.

Red

Blood Red.

Well you know, I had these awesome pictures to hang, and there is no use hanging the pictures on a wall that could use paint, and shucks....you know.

I can't help that this was 2 hours before Matthew's football playoffs.

In another town.

And I am convinced now that I HAVE to have my air ducts cleaned! You Just may have to sleep in the laundry pile, because I had a whole panic attack thinking about the smell and dirt and build up of cat hair and mites and THEN watched a video on it...So they are coming on Tuesday. TUESDAY. (the day before I pick you up at the airport) to tear apart my house and do like a 4 hour thing. Seriously, nothing but the best for you. But I do realize I am insane. And I do realize that nothing else is getting done. Cause now I still have paint brushes sitting in the sink. And pictures all over the floor to be hung. And there is another day of Laundry to do now. Oh, and food. Crap. Food.

I am writing this to say...even though we have planned this for 6 months now. Could we do another wing it weekend??? hehe? Who knows. I might pull might shit together. But you never know when another wall will need to be painted, and....

Oh hell. Who are we kidding!

I just can't wait to see you!!!! We got this ;)

Whirlwind October, Whirlwind Life

2011-10-14T13:20:00.007-04:00

This month is SO FULL of Goodness.

Dripping with goodness. I can barely hold it all in!

I am in charge of silly fun booth in an event for after prom called Howl-O ween in Historic downtown, where people dress up their dogs and themselves. Our booth is going to sell Homemade dog biscuits, made ALL by yours truly! (all 5o0 of them!!!) They turned out so cute and I am so excited for the day to get here!

Jake is getting to go to Washington DC with his 8th grade class. It is going to be filled with memories and deep wisdom, I could never teach him. The Holocaust museum and the grave of the unknown soldier is something you have to SEE and not hear about. He will have so much fun with his friends and get to branch away from Mama. Love him! Tatum holds this memory of going, and I'm so glad he gets this chance!

Tatum turns 18 in a couple days. Her and mine and Mike's card came to vote in the next election. It was a defining moment standing at the mailbox then. I am so filled with emotion over this. Everything that is here....is because of her. Our history. Our family. I am trying to come to grips with it all. We are taking Ryan and her to Bene Hanna's for her birthday and have a "special gift" planned! :)

The countdown is here! LACEYISCOMING! LACEYISCOMING! Ohmygosh. All the way from Arizona, Lacey is Coming! I am SO EXCITED! To show her FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have SO many plans!!!! I don't know we are going to fit them all in!

We are reading "The Stand" by Stephen King and plan to watch the miniseries (we try to do this book/mini series thing when we get together...last time was Lonesome Dove).

We are planning to Z.I.P.L.I.N.E!!!! over the fall foliage! YES! It is going to put indoor Skydiving to shame ;)

And I, amongst all the crazy cleaning for Lacey, I am delving into my newest photography project! Only a peek though due to copycats!

Love Love Love this wonderful Life I have been blessed with. My children and friends. So happy <3

Tatum and Ryans Photoshoot

2011-10-04T16:30:00.023-04:00

Update on Posts

2011-10-03T21:07:00.008-04:00

Sorry Sorry. I write these darn posts, and then I don't tell you how things turn out! I know...terrible of me!

Jake's Birthday was a success. He loved his dinner and gifts and his fondant cake turned out...ehh. Okay. I am happy with my first try. Surely not ready to be on Cake Boss or anything, but so happy I tried!

My dancing career came and it went. I will show you my LOOKING GOOD picture, and then I will so you my "why I don't go to clubs" picture. Again. Glad I tried it, double glad my sister in law had a great birthday, but I know who I am, and this is NOT it, lol!

yeeeaaah. Not so much Beyonce...huh?

And, on my back to school post, I didn't include SUMMER! She started Pre-K, just weeks later than when the other kids went back, so I NEED to put HER picture up too!!

She is IN LOVE with school. So much that on days she doesn't get to go, she asks me in a desperate voice "why won't you LET ME GO TO school today?!?!?!" Ssssiiiggghhh. believeme. Iwouldificould!!!
So there you go!~

White Girls Can't Dance

2011-09-27T14:15:00.004-04:00

Something by starting a family so young, and throwing myself into mommyhood at such a young age is I missed out on the college years. I was completely happy with where I was...I was where I wanted to be! But by doing so, I did miss all of the stage of dating and going out, clubs, and dancing doing that sort of thing.

In some ways I was relieved. I am very happy in jeans, barefoot in nature being creative. Having babies and baking and reading and searching for my own fun was fine by me, and anyways I felt shy about even GOING out to somewhere like that. I sighed relief knowing it was not for me, but yet a part of me looked out of the corner of my eye like it could be fun.

My brother married someone with a completely different outlook.

She had my niece at 15, but that didn't stop her from having fun. After my brother and her married and they became a family, she would invite me to "go out" with her. This would terrify me to the core.

1. Because I KNOW the places they go to. lol
2. Because I would feel So out of place and embarrassed and not know what to do with myself at such places.
3. Because white girls can't dance. (at least me)

They would come home with thier war stories of how much fun they had, and how late they stayed out and who did what, and I would feel RELIEF. Buuuttt. It also sounded a little fun.

It has been almost 20 years now.

Of her asking.

I kid you not.

Yet, my loving SIL STILL asks me, even though I always tell her no.

Her daughter has now grown up and joined the group. "Please Aunt Becky...come with us"

This week is her 4oth birthday.

Blame it on midlife crisis. Blame it on breaking it out of the box. Blame it on my bucket list. Blame it on my tattoo on my arm I try to live by now....

I told her I'm in.

If she protectsmeandshowsmehowtodance.

My friend laughed at me, and told me I could always go out there and zumba! HA!

Omg. At least I will have my posse of family to have my back.

Spread The Word

2011-09-22T14:19:00.003-04:00

A very dear friend of mine lost her son to Cystic Fibrosis this year. She has started a blog in hopes of healing some and helping some and maybe meeting some. Please go give her a visit and welcome her to blogging!

Go see her at Alive and Grieving

Who Gave Me This Badge, And Why Wasn't I Trained In Emergency Situations!

2011-09-09T17:41:00.003-04:00

As I sat in football the other day, I was thrilled when one of the other cool moms "talked" to me! Not only is she heavy in the pulse of the school events and sports, but she like me has MANY children and was a young mom that had older teenagers and young ones.

She in return was thrilled to hear that I was an at home mom that could help volunteer at her big event she was helping run that was to help support "The After Prom". This....THIS is exactly what I was hoping to get involved in with Tatum being a senior this year. I had went and toured the after prom llllaassst year for her junior prom and almost fell over with how impressed I was with what they did for these kids! It is a HUGE safe bash they have for the kids to go to after the prom till 4 in the a.m. so they are not out drinking and driving or anywhere else they could get into trouble. It actually has become so big and cool and fun, that the kids LOVE it, and when I went to tour it last year I could see why! They had rooms set up like casino's, places set up with reality contest's (fear factor etc.), inflatables you could sumo wrestle on, henna tattoo's, every kind on food imaginable, fun picture photo shoots. Even a real porcelain toilet that was used in some kind of race, lol. It was geared towards teenagers, and looked like so much fun! They keep the cost low of just $10 tickets for the kids by many donations and lots of work by us!

I was going to go to the first meeting NEXT week, but HERE was an opportunity to get involved with the group now! (I also can't say no) So even though it was a monster week. I said my Friday was hers!

One special thing about our little country town is we have a train station. And every once in a while "Thomas the Train" comes! The after prom committee runs this apparently, and so before I blinked, I had a badge, a shirt and was running a bounce house.

Now mind you for half of the day I had my 4 year old helper. {{Thank Goodness}} She liked jumping in there, and got out when there came a line and too many people were waiting. She really was good about it all. She rounded up babies and drug them to the opening for mother's and helped quite a bit. Our day was going well.

No shoes....check
socks.....check
5 at a time....check

completely made up rules, but I'm a mom, so I GOT THIS!

I felt pretty cool with a badge and STAFF written really big on my back.

Then....

You see what happens when they give badges to people who don't know what the hell they are doing.

My 5 quota'd kids are jumping. Thank goodness Summer was one of the 5. And PHFTfffffffff..............

My castle. My air.

Starts to deflate.

Quickly.

With children inside.

And parents looking TO ME to do something.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII do not know how the hell this thing is PUT TOGETHER!

My first thought is that someone tripped the cord, and I run behind to try to plug it back in.

Nope.

That would be when the screaming started. Oh...and the panic.

I realized it was deflating in ON the children, and THAT is where I should run to.

So I ran back to the opening, and like a rescue worker getting in a burning building, I dig and hand crying little ones out to their parents.

I want to turn in my badge.

Whew.

The long and the short of it.....AFTER I found someone to help ME....was that the electrical breaker quit.

not funny.

I sold balloons then that afternoon.

not fun.

BUT.

Totally, saved the day, errr moment, and felt pretty good about THAT!

Wonder what my next event will have me doing??? HA!

Planting The Seed

2011-09-02T11:17:00.008-04:00

I am planning a cake.

A wonderful cake!

I get more excited for birthdays and holidays I think than my kids sometimes.

I lay awake and dream and plan and work out details...

One year for Matthew's birthday I made him a Candyland cake...little starburst were the colored pieces for the game board. It came filled with a lollipop land and all kinds of wonders.

For Summer's 1st birthday I tried my hand at icing a cake like a pro and did it in little dollops of tulip cupped sized icing all over her little duck cake. It took over an hour.

There have been alligator cupcake cakes, and Barney cakes and Clifford cakes, and Dalmatian cakes. Worm in dirt cupcakes and princess cakes...

So this year Jake is 14. I was reading articles about what to make for a teenage boy. The article ACTUALLY said something like this.... (this of course is verbatim because I no longer have the article) If it is for a teenage girl...glam it up...star and glitter is the word. blah blah blah. If it is for a teenage boy...forget about it. Just have a cake. He will just want to eat it. What is important is a gift and having his friends over.

I think my heart broke a little.

I later found a cool looking ipod cake and I'm trying to learn how to make fondant for the first time. It is going to be awesome.(Note..this picture and cake is NOT mine...I found it on the internet!)

But here is the whole point people.

I was talking to Mike.

Never.

NEVER, have my children really given ME the satifaction at that precise moment I needed on their birthday. I always felt a little sad. The moment was rushed through, or ignored, or not enought praise was worthy of my effort, lol. BUT...

BUT....!!!!

A seed was planted....!

And usually.....USUALLY...

there came a time later....

like a sleeper cell....

where out of the blue, Matthew would say..."remember Mom, when you made that AWESOME candyland cake. Can you make that every year???" or or.... Jake will tell his friends.... "My mom makes the BEST angel food cake ever...it's my favorite". or Summer will tell people "I had a PRINCESS cake and it was AMAZING". And I know....I KNOW that it was so worth it. And it WAS important.

And that article is wrong. Because whether they show it or not, it is something they will carry with them as a memory from growing up. Somebody loved me enough to do this for me, and made me feel special.

This Is SO NOT Okay!

2011-08-31T23:24:00.002-04:00

This is my poor Matty. AFTER, four days. AFTER two predizone shots. AFTER two doctor visits. AFTER creams and now oral steroids too.

Poor baby can't play football due to the helmet, so has missed practices all week. Has to go to a school that has no air conditioning. And is COVERED in poison sumac and ivy and goodness knows what.

He's been a trooper, but I wish this stuff sure would hit the road a little faster!

Senior Pictures Class of 2012

2011-08-28T13:30:00.023-04:00

First Day of School

2011-08-27T20:42:00.003-04:00

Senior~12th grade....my last of the first day pictures...sob...
8th grade
5th grade...(look at those zigs!)

This Is The Summer Of...Take Two!!!

2011-08-23T21:04:00.009-04:00

Family Get Togethers~ Cookouts, Swimming, 4th of July, Family Reunions...we did it all this summer! And it was Great!!!

Fulfilling Dreams~ We bought our 4th store this summer. We are so excited for the possibilities it can bring!!! Four must be our number!!!

Open Mic Nights~ or ummm....Open Mike Nights. Boy did he play. and play and play and play!
Goodbye to sweet Rosie~ Our 2 year old Rosie got very sick this summer. After weeks of trying to save her, we put her to peace on July 17th, 2011. She had what we think was a brain tumor. We loved you little girl.
Football~ Oh my goodness....Football in the morning, in evening, and at night. It has been such a big commitment, but this guy LOVES IT!
Summer Loving~ Tatum has found someone special. He really is a sweet guy. She is on cloud nine <3
As I type this Tatum and Jake are packing up for tomorrows 1st day of school. Tatum the SENIOR...ouch. And Jake the 8th grader. I still have Matt and Summer home for the day tomorrow. Our town likes to s.l.o.w.l.e.y. tease us moms :)

Regarding Henry

2011-08-16T21:32:00.003-04:00

We have welcomed a new member to our family. He is small and sweet and 3 pounds of fur and love. After much research, with our history, we had to do this right.

Welcome Henry!!!!!

The Boys Room MakeOver

2011-08-02T17:10:00.020-04:00

Desperate times call for desperate measures. This room has been festering. Growing and festering and harboring mess beyond what I wanted to think about, so I didn't. And I'm afraid it got out of hand.

First problem is TWO boys SHARE it. Shared space. Gah.

Second problems is two BOYS share it. I can not tell you how long it took to gut it. Or some of the things I found once deep IN to it.
My strategy was to eliminate Two headboards, Two foot boards and go with stream line frame beds to make more room. To eliminate an entire dresser by building shelves in the closet. To open it up and build a nice place to sleep, store their stuff, and have a gaming center. On top of the....DECORATE. The theme....beach...ahhh....
Pottery Barn matching beds and changed the navy walls to chocolate and sand.

recycled their navy letters by spray paint and built individual shelfs
crackle painted old shutters and hung by their window to give a beach feel
painted planks of wood for decor

Ikea table for organizing games

Ebay got us a sweet surfboard
New ceiling fan...NOT white ;)
shelves in the closet
area rug for wear and tear

Finished Room!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! Whew!

Texting With A 13 Year Old

2011-07-28T23:23:00.000-04:00

Jake is in Florida with a neighbor's family....This is how a recent text went

Me: Did you go ziplining today???

Jake: No..they were booked. going tomorrow.

Me: How are you??

Jake: Good

Me: Are you okay? Are you having a good time??

Jake: Ya

Me:I miss you!!! I love you!

Jake: Ya...love you too.

My heart SWELLED. Silly how having your boy Text you he LOVES you makes you smile ear to ear :)

Karma is a Bitch

2011-07-27T09:56:00.002-04:00

{{ Complete and total disclaimer....this title is WORDS only. It is SO fitting for the post. But my very very wonderful loving sweet niece's name is Karma, and of course implies NO reference to her whatsoever. I love my Karma SOMUCH! This Karma talked about in hereafter, well... nosomuch...)

When I met Mike, SAW Mike. I was in love. I know that sounds stupid. It really sounds overused and not truly REAL, but it IS what happened. Like I was shot with cupids jolt and never looked back.

Good thing, because the adult me, the more cautious, and SMART me, would have known how careless and stupid and against the odds it was what we did! I was in High School. He was almost 30! I was a teenager. He had lived life with marriage and states and jobs. I lived at home with my parents, and he held a full time job and had supported himself for years.

When I dig deeper at the time frame, I get even more amazed. In November we started dating, by December, engaged, by January, pregnant, by February married, by March I turned 18, by May I was graduating High school. Through all of this....if you would of asked me where I wanted to be....with love glazed eyes, I would not have hesitated and said with him.

I Know this had to be hard on my parents, but it didn't seem like it was THAT big of a deal. A little glitch, and over time, Mike and I proved ourselves, and soon he didn't become the 28 year old man, but just MIKE. My family loved him.

I proudly preached through the years that age was just a number, and when I looked at him I didn't see anything but my best friend. Honest to goodness, love is blind.

My daughter is starting to fall head over heals.

She will be 18 in October.

That means she is only 17.

He is 26.

That is only an 8 year difference, and I have done nothing but try to see the awesome wonderful person he is. (and he really really is pretty awesome!)

I would be a total hypocrite if I did anything else.

But today's time's with the social network and all there is so much more in your face.

And I am not known for my thick skin.

And this time I am not the one "Blinded" by love.

This hurts.

I want nothing more than my children to be happy and healthy and succeed at what the desire. To work hard and to Love God.

Please World....be kind.

Dog Days Of Summer

2011-07-21T19:27:00.002-04:00

It is HOT. Whew! Heat Index of 114 today. Temp is 98. We are some hot sticky people here!

This Is The Summer Of...

2011-07-08T19:42:00.010-04:00

Learning to Swim~This is still a work in progress, but progress it IS. Summer and I have been dedicated to working and achieving this. She is now going completely underwater, holding her breath, confidant without floaties, and CAN swim some underwater. (not on top yet) We are now signed up for 8 consecutive days at the Y to get er done. Yes!!!!

Reliv~I have got Mike started on a vitamin therapy program. To help him with back and joint/muscle pain. I have read up and studied this and am hoping this will help! We are on day 27!!!!

Mastering Some Photography~ I just completed my 10 week course. It was SO worth it and I have learned alot! I am wore out though. Maybe in the fall I can chose my next step!

Overnight Camp~Matt went for the WHOLE week. After Tatum and Jake NEVER wanting to do the camp thing...to have a kid LOVE and EMBRACE and ENJOY it has been so awesome. He loves it!!!!!!!

Fire Lanterns~For the 4th of July, I was able to purchase these lanterns that reminded me of the movie "Tangled". Summer is crazy for that movie, and it was going to be super fun the the kids and us. Not only that but a fun experiment for me and my camera. We got two of them and let me just say 1. they ARE really neat, but 2. they seem SUPER sinfully unsafe to me! LOL! Oh my gosh. You light this square on FIRE inside this PAPER lantern and release it to FLOAT amongst TREES FREELY till it burns OUT on it's own. It did get past the trees and high pretty quickly, but we went to a park where there was lots of space

Happenstances~I try really hard to not get too involved in much with the kids in the summer. Not that we really achieve this, but we try not to sign up for things and just "be". We are birds of a different nature when it comes to time, and have always leaned towards being night owls. This does get a little out of hand in the summer and eventually school comes and saves us. We slide into eating dinner at past 9 pm and going to bed around 1 or 2, all of us sleeping till 10 or so. With Jake being in the slacking teenage years he has embraced this WAY to hardily and 3 pm wake ups are getting ridiculous. Luckily for him, Cross Country training starts in August, so he will have some time to get back in line before school starts.
Any ways with us enjoying HOME and the comings and goings of it, we have come across some very neat occurrences.
I woke up one morning and sat sleepily in sun while the house slept, having to rub my eyes hard when I saw this crossing the street! A HUGE, had to be 30 year old at least snapping turtle. I have heard they can take your finger off! And this guy wasn't one to test the theory on. He acted slow, but when he wanted could JUMP. With Mike , 2 snow shovels, and the recycling bin we got him into the pond.
Our town in known for the hot air balloons. The other night one had an emergency landing. ON OUR STREET! Lucky Matt and his buddy got to even get in the basket as they moved it to pack it up!

Summer is only half way through...So much more to come! This is the surely the Summer of goodness!

Thumbprints

2011-06-27T13:24:00.003-04:00

Tatum has been in art for years and we are simply amazed at the gift she has and the talent she comes home with.

Her last project at school was to duplicate a picture with just ink and thumbprints. This was all done in thumbprints.

I am asking her to make one of each of the children's baby pictures now, seeing how very cool it turned out!

Say

2011-06-24T21:01:00.005-04:00

I had a friend from my teenage years get a hold of me.

She and I lived through some times, I'll tell ya. She knew me like no one did at that time of my life, and loved me still. We had heartache and coming of age. Raw learning of life and laughter and tears. We worked together and shared toothbrushes and clothes. We dated guys and snuck out of windows, pushing unstarted cars down moonlit roads. We did stuff that would make my Mama cringe, and as a Mom makes me cringe now, but oh it was fun.

We kept it up through my evolution of marriage and a baby and even to the point of her having her first child, but for me it grew hard. I felt torn being a young teenage mom, and at some point wanted, a clean break into a new life? How can I put that graceful. I guess I can't. But, I didn't fit in with my old definitions, and she almost made me fell guilty of my new ones.

I clunked into trying to keep house and be a wife and as the kids and responsibilities grew, I did to. I had...I had to turn a blind eye to all of the other kids my age. They were living at home, or in college, or living with guys. They were smoking pot and going to parties, and going to concerts, and SURE, I could of too, but I wanted to make a niche into the new life I was trying to live, and I guess somehow, she made me feel bad. I remember she would say "oh my gosh, you're like Martha Stewart now!", and that probably was MEANT to be a compliment, but a part of me felt like a betraying to the cool Becky. I just felt misplaced and bad, and therefore....moved on with my life without her :(

It wasn't really her, I guess it was how I felt about me...or how she made me feel about me, or how lame I handled the whole transition...

Apparently, it still is.

I've been afraid of getting back together with her. I haven't wanted to. I wanted to a}} know how special a time it was then, and b}} be okay with where I am now. What I need to learn to do, and what she is asking me to do it combine the two.

We Are The Griswalds

2011-06-08T17:47:00.006-04:00

{{My music player and I are in a fight at the moment...this blog is NOT worthy of reading unless you read it while being serenaded by the Chevy Chase vacation theme song "Holiday Road". Please scroll to the bottom and click on the arrow to PLAY and then you may proceed. Thank you....}}

We are baaaaccckkk.

From Disney. And I am going to tell you, not only the state of Florida has GOT to be relieved...but they CANNOT be as relieved as I am.

We bonded. We had fun. We trudged waist high in the muck called teenage angst, and family turmoil...but mainly we did the mandatory princess trip and awesome togetherness, that only we can pull together.

Jake at one point did grab the hand of someone **ELSE"S** preschooler and try to take her in to the seating of the The Little Mermaid, thinking it was Summer, only to be boxed in the head by her mother. (rightfully so! We laughed hard about that one)

Summer did get to attend a princess breakfast (well we ALL did, but the boys were not impressed ) only to FREAKOUT when Sleeping Beauty came up to table and then proceeded to cry. Luckily, she pulled it together for Snow White, Belle, and Cinderella. Oh! and Mary Poppins...who is NOT a princess at all, and who is INTIMIDATING as heck! She told us to "spit spot!" and to "stand up straight!"

We lost Matthew for a moment in the Orlando International Airport, only to find him way ahead, standing upon the the luggage carousal, throwing our suitcases out onto the floor one by one. Heart attack, followed by relief, followed by irritation, followed by pride. Typical Matthew.

At one point we all kind of fell apart with the heat and Mike got like a flu, and Jake had a pulled muscle in his stomach, and Matt had an infected hand, and blah, blah, blah, so we left to go back to the resort to sleep some during the day, in which it seemed unfair to Tate. I encouraged her to stay at Epcot! She was almost 18 and could pretend she was an exchange student or something. Go explore! She had her phone. Be Brave! She was worried to be alone and have to ride rides alone, but she did! I'm so glad! What adventures she must have had!

We had alot we saw and did, still hand down...HANDS DOWN.. Soaring is my favorite ride. Love that feeling. Flying free. Siiighhh. Wish I could do that ride over and over. Matt's was Tower of Terror. Mike...the Arrowsmith RollarCoaster.

Definitely BEST place to eat was the Japanese place Tepan Edo. Really good. Oh my. Really good. Never had such awesome noodles.

Love Disney. Think we are Beach people though. Frozen Drinks. Sun. Lounge. No agenda. Sleep. Salty air. Breeze. Kids Laughing. Oy...I need a vacation...LOL!

The Ball Dropped

2011-05-31T23:24:00.002-04:00

All this time.

I have sat and silently waited.

For the other ball to drop.

I didn't know how or when. How badly or whom.

But I knew it would come, and it would someday drop.

And I knew I would feel something more.

Relief? Bring up old wounds?

But it Would come, and now it has.

I'm so sorry for any who got hurt. I'm so thankful for the future hurt this will now prevent.

(I have just learned that one of the remaining dogs left in the house that was part of pack of dogs in our neighborhood that attacked Matthew last year and tore open his arm and punctured his head, has now attacked again. This time a neighbors dog. This is the 3rd time they have been involved in an incident where their dogs have hurt others. This dog will be gone, I have heard. I am so grateful that it was not a child, and that it could mean that these dogs will finally be gone. I have been sick living next to this. I hope that this is finally what it takes...)

Don't Call CPS on Me!

2011-05-28T13:41:00.003-04:00

This week we have been batting zero in safety class. Above is the result of a underwater collide between Jake and Matt at the pool. Matthew, my brute, doesn't have a mark on him, go figure. Poor Jake looks he has been in a street fight.

I guess Summer felt a bit left out of the whole black eye bit.

Just in time for Preschool graduation, and Disney, she fell off the outside playset onto the wood part underneath. With her face.

Every day it changes new colors. Oh man did she cry. Oh boy, do I have grey hair now.
Summer break doesn't even officially start till next week! Hooowww am I going to make it through alive with these four! Lol...did I just say break!

I'm So Cool I Can Hardly Stand It

2011-05-24T15:10:00.006-04:00

On a day where your teenager can tear your self esteem down in a milla-second. (when doesn't that seem to be anymore???) And Now that my house seems to be filling up with many of these WISE, wise souls.... I am getting outnumbered. And pretty battered.

But I'm okay...

I did a little sun therapy, and music therapy in the car.

And THEN, I did a little retail therapy. How silly is it that a simple trip to the grocery store, and a splurge on laterns, can make me feel like I should design for Pottery Barn.

I can make myself smile easy enough. ( they are Solar :)

I think I'll just sit back here and hide..er enjoy my laterns a little longer.... Ahhh..

Photo Class Assignment

2011-05-13T23:47:00.002-04:00

This is the one I chose to turn is for our assignment. The main reason it makes me nervous is because the class is going to be critiquing the photos {{anonymously, thank goodness!}} We each have to chose one we like and one we don't of each other's work and following the critiquing guidelines, telling why.

I chose this picture for it's strong leading lines.

Homework this week has been rough trying to learn Fstops and Shutter speeds, Exposure and settings.

I will do this. I can do this. Why MUST this technical stuff be so hard for me!

Gah. One thing at a time. I'm banking on it all coming together!

We Belong

2011-05-09T23:05:00.004-04:00

Many times I've tried to tell you
Many times I've cried alone
Always I'm surprised how well you
Cut my feelings to the bone

Don't want to leave you really
I've invested too much time
To give you up that easy
To the doubts that complicate your mind

We Belong to the light
We Belong to the thunder
We Belong to the sound of the words
We've both fallen under
Whatever we deny or embrace
For worse or for better
We Belong, We Belong
We Belong together

Maybe it's a sign of weakness
When I don't know what to say
Maybe I just wouldn't know
What to do with my strength anyway
Have we become a habit
Do we distort the facts
Now there's no looking forward
Now there's no turning back
When you say

Close your eyes and try to sleep now
Close your eyes and try to dream
Clear your mind and do your best
To try and wash the palette clean
We can't begin to know it
How much we really care
I hear your voice inside me
I see your face everywhere
Still you say

~Pat Benatar

Tatum's Prom

2011-05-06T17:38:00.013-04:00

Here are just some of my favorites. I went a little overboard and ended up with 70 pictures! Agh! I need to get ahold of myself! Lol! She was simply beautiful....

We totally had to re-create the Sound of Music Scene of Leeza doing "I am 16 going on 17". I'm so glad that Tatum humors me!

Rain

2011-05-03T14:55:00.003-04:00

I did NOT take this picture...I got it from the Cincinnati Enquirer.. the online newspaper. But it is just a chance to show you the WET that is here. In Ohio.

This picture sums it up pretty good. Grey. Overwhelming. Cold. This is suppose to be a soccer field. The calender also tells me it is suppose to be May.

It is almost unbelievable as March and April and the weeks go by that it won't get warm! And that it is STILL raining outside. After such a long winter, I think everyone was SO ready for spring that it just makes it even harder for us to digest that it. is. not. happening. quicker.

So here in my diary it is noted...46 degrees. May 3rd. Sweaters and jeans not even close to being packed away yet.

In August I will look back in a humid puddle and laugh at myself. Silly silly Ohio girl.

Daylight Prom

2011-04-30T10:07:00.009-04:00

Yesterday was Lebanon's Daylight Prom. It is a prom that is held during the day for kids in Warren County with Special needs. They get to have their own prom in a safe fun enviroment. They get the excitement of dressing up and experiencing a rite of passage all teenagers should.

Tatum is hoping to major in Special Education and this is her 2nd year helping do this event. She was excited as the kids. Decorating and doing hair and make up! There was food and games and dancing and music!!!
This guy, is in his wheelchair most of the time, and got special permission to dance dance with Tatum. They had a blast!

They all looked beautiful and had such a great time! Parents got to come and see their kids shine!

Made All The Difference

2011-04-28T13:29:00.003-04:00

Life is Messy. Life is Hard.

It is also the most beautiful and breath taking thing.

It can tear you apart. It can lift you up.

I said to Mike the other night as we lay in bed..."we are so different now. We are different people. On different paths..."

He looked at me and said simply..."but we love each. And we have a family."

'Nough said.

Never Made It to the Butterfly Show

2011-04-22T19:04:00.041-04:00

I ventured out today with just Matt and Summer. Our goal was the butterfly exhibit at the Conservatory in Downtown Cincinnati. What occurred was anything but a butterfly exhibit. But it was so much more. :)

As we drove we relied on our navigator to lead us out of our small country town and in to another world it seemed. Passed highways, and busy roads, as Summer fell asleep, Matt and I talked like we rarely do and saw what we rarely saw. Graffiti, and rundown buildings. Parts of the city that are known for danger. Sadness and fear. We locked our doors and drove past.

When we got close to Eden Park our destination, a very beautiful part of Cincinnati, we saw lines of cars and longs lines of people. We could hardly believe they were there for the butterfly show too? We couldn't even park there so we drove on and parked about a 1/2 mile away. This was the best gift. And this is where our adventure continued...
Eden Park is filled with beautiful things. Wonderful stone bridges, and fountains, and ponds. As we climbed out the car the kids ran right to this huge 2 story wall of stone. They climbed and could see the city! They could see the Ohio river and the bridge to KY. They could see the skyline. They were explorers and loved it.

Matthew in his "thinker" pose.

We continued on to the exhibit, but as we did we would find pockets of neat.

bridges
paths
abandoned buildings

fountains tucked away in the trees

When we got to the Conservatory, they told us the Butterfly exhibit LINE would take over and HOUR. But the flower Conservatory itself is FREE to go through. So that is what we did. I can remember my parents taking us here when I was little... The foggy pictures are due the extreme humidity and my lens fogging up.
This was a little cave that the kids would run through that I told Summer a monster lived in. (the same thing I was told by my brother as a kid) She felt so brave running through!

A little bit of Independence goes a long way...

So when we came out Summer wanted to touch the steel butterfly across the street on the hill. Matthew was like' Heck no!" But I said, for goodness sake....we came her to touch a butterfly...I'm as heck going to let her at least touch this one...So me and her crossed traffic and did just that!

We stopped at the actual Park of Eden park and saw the swollen Ohio River...

and a duck dive for fish!

and got some culture under our belts while we were there too!

Who knows where the day will lead you...but if you let it...it can really take you somewhere wonderful!

Happy Birthday Baby

2011-04-21T19:16:00.003-04:00

Mike turned 47 yesterday. We had the afternoon alone (mom held down the fort) and went out to eat and to the movies...and after a cookout and cake, I got to go see him play! It was a great day.

Happy Birthday Babe <3

Track Meet / New Camera Lens

2011-04-13T23:21:00.007-04:00

Today Jake had a home meet, and it was the perfect opportunity for me to try out my new lens that I have had FOREVER, but been afraid to try. It lets you take pictures from farther away, and makes the pictures look much closer and clearer. I am learning and working on it still! This is him in the relay race. He started their team out. He did so good! He gave them a great head start and they finished 2nd!
There he is passing the baton.

So while we waited for his races, I had time to practice some with my lens. LOL, can you guess what I practiced on? Say, someone with catsup and mustard on their face, mud on their knees, hair in disarray, Dora Underwear exposed, and hot pink Crocs, pretending to be a lion in a field.

You can't tell from the pictures, but I was quite far away from her, so she didn't know I was taking her picture :) I'm still working on the focus. Too cute that one is!

Tatum

2011-04-12T13:47:00.008-04:00

When I was a teenager, my main goals of the week was to get through my day at vocational school. Keep my gas tank filled. Not run out of cigarettes. Secure plans with friends for the weekend.

Yes, I was more responsible than you are imagining ... I held a job and was very independant, and yes I was more reckless than you know, I was at a horrible run free age that took me many many places.

I think of this often now that I have a daughter the same age. Because I always knew I would be the cool mom and the one that could "relate". But our weeks are NOT the same. She is not at all like I was.

Sure she tries to keep her gas tank filled. And she holds a job, and her week is filled with friends. But I have never met a kid so grounded. I thought for sure, Karma was going to kick my ass on this one. I think my mother prayed for it.

(don't worry mom...there are 3 kids behind her)

She is awesome in many ways. Not only back then. When she made that 17 year old have to grow up and become a fantastic responsible mom. Slowly. Learning the hard ways sometimes. But now, she has chosen her own way, not the way I ever would of dreamed.

This is her report card. Junior Year. Third Quarter.

Physiology......A

Peopel.........A

American Literature.......A

Advanced Drawing...........A

Honors Pre-Calculus.........B

Problems of Democracy.........A

College Readiness...........A

I am bursting/beaming/ goofy with pride. Aww. Shucks. That's my girl :)

Life

2011-04-07T21:01:00.005-04:00

Juggling. Busy. Happy. Full.

Summer cracked one of our 5 foot tall windows the other day waving {{pounding}} hello to a bird. We are all waiting with baited breath for it to shatter because you can actually hear little cracks occasionally. Our insurance company actually covers it due to her age! (minus the deduct able-blah ) One week for the glass to come in!

Windows open, fresh air in, weeping cherry in full bloom right outside my window.

Jake is in track and busy and happy with that. He had his first meet today. He is learning how to pole vault. He is getting huge muscles. It is amazing to watch his body transform into a mans. I don't remember with Tatum being this dumbstruck with this transformation they go through in puberty. He eats so much, and is growing so big. His feet are bigger than mine, he is getting taller by the day, his voice is getting deeper. My little guy is turning into his own guy...

Spring Cleaning, working on getting organized, working on my priorities...

I sent in my registration for the photography class. I did it. Money and registration. They confirmed I got one of the final spots. It starts at the end of the month. I feel like this will be the whole new beginning to a phase of me. I am open and ready and excited!

Dreaming, wondering, wishing, hoping, planning, plotting...

Tatum is getting her dress altered for the prom...it is ready to be picked up. Easter is around the corner, and so is Mike's 47th birthday! Registration for preschool, Matthew started soccer, Summer has been learning how to ride her big girl bike,I've been planning vacation for summer, ....OH, and a little life consuming thing called LAUNDRY.

"Life is a journey, not a destination."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Battle the Beast

2011-04-01T20:31:00.001-04:00

This has to come out. And now it is coming to a head I feel. . . There are many outlets for all of us, and the blog for me has been awesome because I am a person that needs to write. Like, I NEED to write. At times I have something that needs to be put down to straighten it all out in my head or clear up. To document or be said, or even just to validate to myself. The blog has been great because at times it helped feed this "need" in me that I have. As we speak I reference to my notes that are scribbled on the back of a receipt from my purse. Words hit me while I was out with the kids today and I hastily wrote them on the only scrap paper I could find, so my profound words wouldn't be lost before I had the chance to really sit down and type. If you were to investigate my life you would find these little notes all around me. In my pockets and glove box, tucked in drawers. Ideas and thoughts. Notebooks and packets..... . . So the blog was great because it tapped into this area of writing that I can use. Alot of stuff doesn't get published. Alot of stuff does. Anyways, it really was great, because it helped my not only document our lives, BUT I got to use alot of pictures. I love the pictures. My blog has always been filled with pictures. Which is where I guess this all leading to.... . . As you all know I have been an at home mom for 18 years. Eighteen years is a long time. I love my kids fiercely, wouldn't change a thing, and KNOW that this what I wanted more than anything in my life. I am though, tired. And worn out. And wanting. And scared. . . . I am ready to start to move. Not just the dream part any more, but move. Towards something. And it is terrifying. I am ready to start to pursue my education in photography. Just a 10 week course to start off with. Just filling out the paperwork has given me heart palpitations. . . . It is so small a move, alot of you would laugh. But to someone who has never lived independently, or worked, or known different, it is terrifying. I think the biggest thing I am afraid of to tell the truth is defeat. Through these 18 years, I have tried to squeeze things in for "just me". And it was great. And needed. But they are not around anymore. All of them got too hard. Too hard to keep up with. And I think, "maybe I didn't love them passionately enough" Maybe the people that suck it up and truly are passionate are the ones who make it" Whether it was Bell Choir, or Exercise, or Volunteer work, they all eventually climbed on that pile of defeat. I'm afraid because I SO do not want this too become a casualty like the others. Like all my other attempts or crazy ideas. I want this. I want this to be really real. . . Here is some of my work. ALL of this is unedited. No photo shop. All of this is done by me.

I can do this. I will do this. I am licking the envelope now....

Four Days Of Four

2011-03-28T08:55:00.003-04:00

Four Days of Miss Summer being Four.

Four years for Summer.

Four Kids we have.

They All Have been four.

None, do we bet, are going to be four quite like Summer....

She has hit this age running! It's like a light bulb went on, and she actuallyhad something in her brain say"THISISTHEMOSTOBNOIXIOUSAGEYET!!!!" OMG!, LOL!

She has.... in four days.....

had several roll on the floor tantrums... Like laughable roll side to side in the cartoon's arm flaying non reachable tantrums.

Had strep throat so bad, we had a early Saturday morning visit to Dr. that entailed a SHOT.

Was SO sick I carried her in, the shot worked so WELL, by noon she was swinging from the chandelier, LOL!

Has snored so loud one night that made us all switch beds and Mike ended up on the couch!

Had a nightmare one night and sat up in bed CONVINCED her toes had been totally eaten by bears...

Has a stash of stolen gum in her under ware drawer.

Oy...I think she is going to wear four out...!

I'm the Best Mother In the World!!!...Or Not

2011-03-25T10:20:00.005-04:00

The other day, we had the weirdest weather. We had Ohio weather. Extreme Ohio weather.

The day had moments of sunshine. There were times of rain. There was wind and hail. It would come and go.

At one point in the day it was close to 80 and by nightfall we were touching the 30's. There was an hour there where we dropped liked 25 degrees, just in that hour. It was dramatic.

That would be the hour I would like to talk about.

Now this COULD be my shining moment as a mom. It really really could. Because I was all over this. I had this.

Let me set the stage. Birds chirping...sun shining...I'm picking up Summer from preschool. Wind starts. Rain starts. By the time I get home we are talking deafening HAIL is pounding my car. She is kindof getting spooked. I know that Matthew's bus is coming in a few minutes, and I also know that he is TERRIFIED of storms. OTHER parents are at the bus stops in their cars waiting for their kids {{of course}}, but our house is pretty darn close to the bus stop, so this is something I normally don't do. I think that a few inches of walking in hail would be horrible, so I decide to pull my car up to the stop too! But first I must get Summer inside.

{{Cue dramatic music}} With Hail pounding and her starting to cry, I pulled into the driveway and honked my horn for Mike to come out and get her. He comes out into the garage and looks at me like..."What in the heck do you want me to do?!?!" We had just bought a lawnmower and he put the huge cardboard box over his head and waddled out to the car to get Summer from me, dodging hail like and armored truck. It was so loud we couldn't talk or communicate. I backed out and pulled up to the bus stop.

I was blocking the neighbors driveway. Usually edicate me would worry so...desperate times call for desperate measures!!! I was breaking protocol of not only blocking a stop sign but blocking the bus from backing up....I threw caution to the wind. I was there for one purpose and one purpose only. To get my son safe, Lol. In the adrenaline of having my car beat to hell by the hail, the overwhelming noise of it all, the wind and the rain, I hunkered down to wait.

And wait I did. Because up the street, waited the bus. I guess school rules make the drivers put it in park when there is hail like this. So it sat. And I sat. And all the other parents sat. In this huge storm.

Finally there was a break. And the bus moved to our stop.

And do you know what.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!??!!

My son didn't get off.

Yes. Yes. {{insert shining moment}}

Today is Wednesday.

WEDNESDAYS, Matthew goes to a social group after school.

I know this.

I KNEW THIS.

I forgot this in the passion of the moment.

I kicked my car in reverse and drove the millimeter home.

Sigh.

4 years ago....

2011-03-22T07:57:00.003-04:00

HOLY H.E double Hockey Sticks.

This was me. Waiting for tomorrow. The next day. The BIG day. The day our caboose was coming to join us.

4 years later...I am getting ready to decorate many cupcakes in the design of little pigs and wolfs and make one amazing princess cake.

Pretty awesome.

Cleaning the Car

2011-03-17T14:30:00.003-04:00

Today I have been waiting for.

Sun. (Oh Sweet Heaven, SUN!) And predicted 67 degrees for the temperature.

Something these here parts have not seen in awhile.

These are the days I have painstakingly waited for, that my ocd got the best of me and I had started around February looking up the sunrise, sunset calender everyday. Waiting and holding on for. The darkness came so early...the long cold rainy snowy wet grey days that I couldn't wait for spring.

And ALL that goes with it!

The cleaning and clearing out. The change of wardrobes. The airing out the house. The gardens!

The five day forecast I have been watching like a hawk. I knew that today was going to be THE BEST DAY EVER! On Tuesday as it rained and I slopped my way up the walk to Summer's preschool in the 30 degree weather, a man said to me sarcastically "what weather!!" I just smiled and said " wait till Thursday!"

So here it is. And it is awesome. The windows are open. The cats are out. And I have started the task of gutting the car after a bitter, dirty winter.

Gah.

The floor mats are scrubbing in the washer, and I with my bowl of soap went out to battle the seats and walls. This.....apparently.....gave me ALOT of time to think.

My car is like my drive away house. Except I ALWAYS stay in my room {{the driver}} and the kids are ALWAYS having free reign in THEIR room {{the backseat}}. Summer is sentenced {{thank goodness}} to ONE room {{her carseat}}, and because of this set up.....IT IS VERY VERY FREAKING GROSS IN THE BACK!

My husband has always treated me very well and taken care of me tremendously in the car department. I have always had a nice car to drive, and at this time, I have a super duper swagger wagon. I have automatic opening doors and hatches, and things happen with the press of a button. But this. This is all me. {{the cleaning part}}

Gah.

I am off now to vacuum. I am sure a small meal of crumbs will be sucked up. Along with a couple of UNO cards and maybe a mighty bean.

But I wouldn't trade it for the world right now. I am in the sun. At the end of the day I will have a clean car {{for awhile}}. Life is good;

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-16T07:47:00.000-04:00

Kids And Their Fazes

2011-03-13T13:06:00.004-04:00

Kids go through all kinds of fazes... WEIRD fazes.

Especially it seems MY kids.

And especially a particular ONE of my kids.

I'm sure you can guess which one.

Jake.

As we pass through the different ages I roll with the punches. I acknowledge his extremeness, his weirdness, but being his mom, love him unconditionally. I stand up for him if needed and laugh alot.

When he was 2 he fiercely loved Blue's Clues.

No. I mean take it to a whole new level. Would only wear green like Steve. Talked incessantly about it. The word obsessed was whispered.

At this age he had a pocket of touching insanity with Santa. We're talking rocking him to sleep singing Christmas Carols, couldn't let the topic go...My mom handmade a Santa outfit for him that year and we have a picture of him standing in front of the mirror in awe looking at himself. Like he just couldn't believe the wonder...

There was the faze of bathroom habits, umm...not in the toilet?? how do I put this. Water drains, cat boxes....Pooping outside and having our neighbor Fred witness it was not a fun time. {{sorry Fred}}. No people. He was older. No excuses there.

His major allergy to poison Ivy but yet continues to venture out into it, EVERY TIME. Covering his entire body, all sacred areas. Once the Doctor told us after our many trips and cortisone shots that cold water would ease the itching. My mom walked into the room to see Jake sitting in front of the TV with his ummm {{package}} floating in a cup of water. He crouched in front of the cup obviously pleased with his plan.

So here we are...age 13. And the faze??? Is anyone familiar with the show "The Middle"?? The teenage boy Axl? That would be Jake.

We can NOT get him to wear pants. The boy is in his boxers all the time to the point it is upsetting. It has been a cold Ohio winter here and it has not deterred him. All day long he wanders the house in a shirt and no pants. The fun comes when he drags this obnoxious fuzzy blanket that my mom gave him for Christmas with him, or wraps it around him like a dress.

Tatum's friends and boyfriend come over, and this doesn't seem to worry him too much. He will saunter off to him room or get his blanket. {{good Lord, my 13 year old has a blanky!}} We have tried to MAKE him get on pants, and ENCOURAGED him to also...but I think that it will be like all the other fazes...we are just going to have to wait this one out. {[sigh}}

Secret Suprise

2011-03-11T12:58:00.007-05:00

Last night, I had a nervous 18 year old boy show up at my door with his pockets filled with Hershey kisses, and his arms filled with roses. It was midnight and we had been texting back and forth for awhile. We had to be sure she was asleep and we had to be quiet...

He had a big grin, and as quiet as he could, he tiptoed up the stairs and set up his surprise for my daughter.

The note read...

"Now that I've kissed the ground you walk on , and showered you in Roses...Will you go to Prom with Me??"

Awww....Young Love <3

36

2011-03-06T15:46:00.006-05:00

This year I turned thirty-six. I wasn't sure how I felt about this upcoming birthday. But when it came upon me, I had no choice. I was given such an outpouring of thoughtfulness and LOVE from friends and family, that I KNOW this year is going to be wonderful. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such great people and was given a day where everyone took the time to make me feel so special. Thank you all. It was so great to have people take the time to tell me how much they love me. You all are awesome. I feel it in my bones that God has put each of you in my life and in my path for a reason.

My husband..{he tried SO HARD to make my day special} topped off the day by giving me this. It is simple and silver and perfect. With a tree stamped on it, he couldn't of picked any thing more perfect.
One of the **fantastic** and funny cards that couldn't have been more me!
LOL! This is so true. And has happened to me before with one of my many cats! Thank you sweet Marty. Love you!
This paper airplane flew by and hit me in the head. I wouldn't expect it any other way from my Matty....
and the cake.... look at Summer...could she get any more excited! You think it was HER cake!
Of course I needed help blowing it out!. Thanks everyone. I think I am officially spoiled. I can't wait to see what this year will bring!

Ready or Not Walt, Here she comes....

2011-03-02T19:31:00.007-05:00

This is the year we take Summer to Disney world. We have been educating her on the Classic's. Pulling out all the books and dvds, and even VHS's from the older kids. Talking and dreaming and planning.

Jungle Book, Peter Pan, Aristocats, Mary Poppins, The Rescuers, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Winnie the Pooh, Mickey Mouse, The Fox and the Hound, Pete's Dragon, Cinderella...

but you know the mind of a 3 almost 4 year old girl.

{{you don't?!?!?!}}

{ahem}} well let me tell you.

*******PRINCESS"S!!!!!!!!!*********

So this year in her little dance class when I found out her recital was going to be to the song for "Sleeping Beauty", I knew it would be perfect!

Little did I know HOW perfect it would be! Because....today...we got our costumes!

Aurora is ready!

(Oh how absolutely ready she is to be princess, lol!)
{{here she is actually calling sing songing to the forest animals to come out, LOL!}}

Early Gift

2011-02-27T17:29:00.004-05:00

When visiting Lacey, she gave me my birthday gift early. There is something to be said about gifts from friends. When they know you in and out and try so hard to give you something of meaning. Lacey couldn't of done a better job. I love history, I love photography, I love antique objects....things with stories.

She had come across an old Kodak camera from 1912. The accordion fold in the middle is almost perfect. Back in that time, it had to of been a wonder to own something so small and convenient. It collapses into such a small camera. The kids and I have finally figured out how to look through it, which of course is from above with your desired picture being backwards and blurred.

I think Tatum said it best when she saw it. She said "that's a perfect gift for you, mom!

I Totally Can Do This...

2011-02-23T17:15:00.008-05:00

This is the story of a girl. A big bad tough ass girl from Ohio...Who throws caution to the wind and lives on the edge daily....

Doesn't sound like someone you know???? LOL...ME NEITHER!
Actually this is the story of two friends who tried to break free from their daily grind, live out of the box, and have a little fun! Although it wasn't all fun ((tears WERE shed)) the box was definitely broken;)

Winter Formal 2011

2011-02-19T19:36:00.010-05:00

18 years

2011-02-18T15:00:00.000-05:00

Today is our 18 year anniversary. Eighteen YEARS, Mike and I have been married! I'm not going to lie. It has been a surprising different year than the others. I have come to places that I have not before. There have been new feelings and thoughts, and we've both had to work them out.

But when I got to the edge...what it all boiled down to each time....when I had the time alone to process and pray and think, and wonder....

I know that there is no other place for me but with this man. He is where my heart and my life and I am found. He is my mate, and my best friend, and I would be lost without him.
I love you Mike. Happy Anniversary.

(thanks for cutting your hair ;)

Leaving for Sunnier Days

2011-02-15T18:10:00.003-05:00

The countdown is here! Well actually in MY mind, it has been going on for QUITE awhile now! This Sunday I leave for Arizona! I am packing my single bags up and leaving my world as I know for a quick glimpse of another dimension.
No children or husbands are going with me. No Ohio chill. No life as I know it. For just a brief pause I get to step out of my box and try a completely different atmosphere.
I am going to get to be with my wonderful friend Lacey, who in some ways couldn't be more different than me. This I love about us, our complete contrasts, but yet our bonds that are in common are what pull us together. We will fill our days with adventure (Lacey and Becky style of course....planned, careful, and not too adventurous, lol), photography, animals, books, and laughing. We have a huge marker to cross off one thing on our bucket list...SKY DIVING!!!! {{again...disclaimer....Becky and Lacey way....INSIDE~ in a dome :0 }} And of course Mexican food!
It will fill me up for the year to come. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. (I get to sleep in a bed alone!...no children, alarms, or interruptions) And I get to miss the heck out of my family.

(I think it makes them miss me some too :)

College Tour

2011-02-07T18:17:00.004-05:00

Today Mike and I took Tatum on her 1st college tour. It was exciting, exhausting, and emotional.

What a transitional point in life this is. These kids {kids!} have schedules, and rooms and get their own food and do laundry, and have...have LIVES.

I was taken in by the whole atmosphere. Our cute little tour guide, a 4th year student herself, showed us the dorm rooms and classrooms and science labs. The food courts and hang out spots. I watched all this young life laughing and starting out and WANTED this for Tatum so badly. This would be awesome for her. A great and wonderful next step opening up what's next for her in life. What an exciting fun time.

I also got an ache inside. I wanted this for me! I had not had this? Why was this not a stepping stone for me? I started to feel sad, and jipped a little as we walked along the icy pathways between buildings.

LOL~ Then it dawned on me...like "DUH"...This is why!

and I wouldn't change a thing!~ This was my choice and a great one. And I would choose it 8 thousand times over again. I had my path and chose it, and am STILL choosing it....and I get the blessing of getting to be by her side while she chooses HER path. How fun it is to watch though.

( and if I get to help decorate the dorm room a little Tate, that would be cool with me ;)

Karsen

2011-02-06T18:22:00.003-05:00

A sad time for my neighbor, my friend, another mom. I can't imagine...can't imagine saying goodbye so soon to my child. There is peace knowing that they will see him again one day, and that he is safe in Heaven's arms.
I have never met another mother who fought so hard. What an amazing kid he was and how proud she can be!

Encased in Ice

2011-02-01T18:10:00.003-05:00

Nothing here compared to what people in New York or Chicago are getting in this Storm of 2011...but it was interesting after all the snow for us to wake up to EVERYTHING encased in ice...
I had to crack it to get into my mailbox...which by the way I SLID down too...Lol...

JJ Heller - What Love Really Means (Official Music Video)

2011-01-27T13:17:00.001-05:00

(You have to turn off the music at the bottom of blog...press the play button to pause it....Most awesome song)

Dancing With Dad

2011-01-24T21:10:00.003-05:00

I don't have many memories of my dad being upright and steady and strong. I have a terrible memory and this bugs me to no end. I don't know why, because I should have more.

I was 12 or so I know when he was very wobbly and fighting with walking sticks and canes. I know that before that there were ups and downs, and from 14 on, he mostly was in wheelchairs...

But 10 and under, surely I should have passels of memories of strong him.

Sadly I don't.

I do know of a couple things that my memory clings to fervently in fear of forgetting. Times I remember him just being a healthy man.

Oddly enough they are of me at quite a young age. Weird how this mind of mine has worked and processed it all...

When I was five or so we would dance. Quietly just the two of us go into the dining room with the lights dimmed and turn on the record player. He would hold me in his arms and dance.

You would think that such a profound memory to me, that I would be able to tell you more! But really I can't. I just remember this. The feeling of him holding me. Him being my dad and holding me. Him standing and dancing.

I have done it with each of my kids...Tatum and Jake and I would turn off all the lights and dance in a mad magical world when they were little. They would scream in delight and beg to do it often. When Matthew came along he joined our dance parties. Those were the days that Mike worked late evenings and nights were ours to fill.

Now that Summer is our little one, and she is so musical, it is quite often that she turns the radio on and begs us to dance. The other day I stopped what I was doing and danced till we were both out of breath. And tonight when she grabbed Mike's hands and convinced him to dance with her for awhile...it made me smile to myself and remember my strong dad dancing with me.

SALT

2011-01-22T14:37:00.011-05:00

Something in the wintertime that this tired mother of four deals with (besides no school and snow days) that not everyone knows about was brought to light to me from a western living soul.

Salt.

They were not aware of the battles of salt.

It is something that we use here to combat frozen slippery roads. Spread by trucks by the tons. Tons and tons of salt is spread with just a forecast of snow. This is turn makes not only Mama's wish the snow would melt into spring. We pray for rain to come and wash clean the salt. To some this is common knowledge and probably the most boring blog post ever... But to other's...here is the effects of salt.

On your car.

You bring it in on your shoes...

again car...

here is just a pile of snow, lol

on the roads....

on the sidewalks...

and the worst....puddled dried on your floor!

It saves a ton of lives. The roads would be terrible without it. It uses SO MUCH of the tax dollars...but it is a necessary thing here.

Quick Memory

2011-01-13T13:19:00.003-05:00

Until my computer is back from the shop, I can't put up pictures or videos, which is reaallly cramping my blogging. I have alot I want to share and can't!

So until then I will leave you with this laughable tid bit from this morning.

Tatum and I were sitting looking at her farmville. She sadly showed me a mink that she spent alot of her farmbucks on. (If you don't play the game, you are to know that farm "bucks" are hard to come by and you only spend them sparingly. Farm coins are easy...but the bucks you save for very special stuff). I asked her why in the world she spent her bucks on a mink???!!!

She despairingly told me that today in school she was forced to dissect a defurred mink in class and it made her feel better. Lol. oh, poor girl. I remember those days. Ours were pig fetus's, but yet, it was still upsetting...

Silly things and moments I don't want to forget about my kids...

Muddling Through January

2011-01-11T10:51:00.003-05:00

The winter has become the hardest months for me to get through. For some reason, I have become unable to handle the cold in the last few years so that I am just so bitter cold every day, all the time. I freeze. My only solace is to once a day get into a steaming hot tub and burn it out of me. I never use to be like this and can't understand why my 35 year old body won't cooperate! I use to be the teenage girl that ran around with no coat or shoes and embraced any weather. I am not happy with who this body has become.

We have had bitter cold here and much ice and snow. It started early for us and December was filled with snow days for the kids already. Last week poor Tatum had her first experience with icy roads and slid. Thank the good Lord that She was okay, others were okay, and the only thing harmed was a mailbox. She was so shaken up by it, I am also really glad she has this experience under her belt. We had wonderful angel neighbors step in who drove her car home and drove her home and walked her through her first scary wreck. I am so thankful to them!

The kids are home for a snow day today...Matthew would be home again anyways because the poor fellow has strep, we have got antibiotics knocking that out of him, poor fellow! I am s.l.o.w.l.y recovering with an injured rib that that has been bugging me for about 6 weeks. Finally went to the ER the other night to make sure there was no breakage or crack. I have good meds and am taking to slow.

Today we are kind of just snowed in and I think will be just alot of laundry and tv and together. Sounds good to me :) Mike is out working in this though, and it won't be complete till he is home safe!

The Best Vet in the World

2011-01-05T23:22:00.004-05:00

When I was a little girl our only pet was one cat. Me, being animal crazy, over loved this cat. SOMUCH.

When it came time for the cat's yearly vet visit, I remember it fondly as a BIG event. FUN times. I mean, come on! Cat in the car...going out. Showing her off. ONCE a year. Big stuff to that little girl :)

Our poor over loved cat, probably would NOT look back on those trips as anything but agony. She wasn't a very adventurous ol girl, strictly an inside cat, and during our vet visit she would climb INSIDE of my mom's purse. We of course delighted in this. My mom carried the same purse for years...a double leather strapped arm purse that's side were sturdy enough to stand up alone. Poor Grizilda would slide right in there and duck her head in too. Like an ostrich. You would just see her fluffy back popping out all along the zipper line.

The sympathtic vet would do his exam with her in the purse, which of course delighted us kids even more. Made the story better! To this day I tell my kids about Grizilda and mom's purse :)

Well now that I have a houseful of cats, and kids and other misc. animals, trips to the vets are not in short. With all that happened this summer to Chance we were long over due for the other cats to get caught up on their yearlys. Last week I tried to take Alice and Rosie in. I thought Bing Bam Bing...easy peasy. {{is anything easy peasy when traveling with cats and kids, I mean really????}} Matt and Summer and I loaded them up and off we went. I was a little worried about how Rosie was acting with all the guttural growling going on in the cage...and the hissing...and the hair flying out. Good Lord, poor Alice was just putting up with a VERY moody Rosie. She was stuck in the cage with her, but I thought with them being sisters, a combined appt. might be easy....{{there is that word again!}}

When we got in our room, our SUPER duper vet assessing the situation, said he would take them in back, to try to get them out of the cage. We just shook our heads, because at this point Rosie was hissing and growling, and losing hair, and now had turned on Alice and beating the crap out of her IN the cage. She had lost her marbles and was C-R-A-Z-Y. What ensued next was not pretty.

The kids and I sat in our little room while we heard the most horrifying HOWLS and YOWLS come from the back room. We just hugged each other a little. Dang that cat. She was being so bad!

When the vet brought them back in....he told me they had to REMOVE THE TOP PORTION OF THE CAGE TO GET HER OUT!. (boy that girl knows how to fight) and that he got her shots in, but no exam was done.

Oh yeah. And she trumps as the worst cat ever to examine, LOL!

oy.

So here is the problem.

She DOES have a problem. One I needed him to look at. Her gums. But he wasn't lookin THAT day. We had to have a plan. He had one. Tranquilzer. Jake and I came up with one too. We did it today! and it worked!!!!

LOL! look at that evil but tolarable face. No cage. No sister. In Jake's lap. Jake's hands covered in ham. She watched out the window. Oh and one more thing. The vet had to come outside and sit in my car! LOLOLOLOLOL! He did. Because he is most awesome. She still hissed, but not too much.

We've come a long way from the days in my mom's purse...but we still are having a hoot taking trip's to the vet ;)

The Ultimate Puppy

2011-01-02T16:13:00.002-05:00

For Christmas this year I picked out two stuffed animals for Summer. One was of Curious George, her favorite cartoon monkey. The other was this super soft raccoon I found in the children's toy department at Target.

She loved them both and has slept with each night since. But the other kids starting making fun of the toy raccoon. Little comments would get said in passing. Things like "why is Summer playing with a dog toy??" and such?!?! I of course would get defensive and correct them immediately. "IT IS NOT A DOG TOY! STOP TEASING HER!" You see the tail made a crinkle noise and it was a bit floppy. But let's not give the kid a stigma here...

As I laid in bed with her the other day I was holding her raccoon and couldn't believe it when it's head squeaked. "Wha...?!?! I didn't know it did THAT?!?!?"

I brought my concerns to Mike. He had an easy solution. Read the sewn on tag. What did it say?

I read outloud..."NOTICE...Pet should be supervise when pla...."

Oh My Freaking Gosh. I bought my kid a dog toy.

For Christmas.

I see a mother of the year award coming my way! LOL!

2011

2011-01-01T13:43:00.003-05:00

This past year buckled me to close my blog for awhile. This past year buckled me down to my knees a couple of times. 2010 was a year. A year that had a lot of lessons in it I'm sure, but a year I am ready to be passed.

I faced insecurities as a mother, as a wife. I had to let go, and I had to hold on. I dealt with months of insomnia and sleep and anxiety issues which, if you ever have had, you know is a battle that is fought alone in yourself... I've stood up and crossed lines probably. But, am discovering more and more what is right for me, and not others. I am fighting for relationships and trying to know where my journey leads ME, not let others lead my journey.

If I continue with my blog, it is for the sole purpose of the awesome journal I will have to look back on. Anyone who wants to check in is welcome, but that is why I am here now. I sadly regret the time I missed in the pocket I stopped. My family has changed so much in that short time!

Jake's Halloween Costume

2010-10-27T22:15:00.002-04:00

If you can call it that. It is really just a hoodie that zips up OVER the face, with mesh over the eyes, Lol. I couldn't be happier since it is a step up from last year's duct tape boy...

Oh....my boy!

Summer's Costume

2010-10-10T20:46:00.005-04:00

For this upcoming Halloween, Summer has changed her mind numerous times about what she was going to dress up as. So when last week she concretely told me she was going to be a "tiger" I knew, like the other ideas, it would probably pass.
Days went by, but yet she still persisted that tiger it was! Saturday we packed up the younger kids and went to the Halloween store, and I KNEW that once she saw all the wonders of Halloween, that it would hard for her to decide.
Princess gowns, fairies, and favorite cartoon characters could NOT persuade this one. She zoned right in on her target and clutched it tightly.
a white tiger to be exact {{sigh}} thank goodness for bleach...

She has worn it almost as much as normal clothes ever since. She has chased neighborhood boys and growled with delight. She has dirtied the paws and grass stained the knees. She says "I smell meat" and laughs!

She IS a tiger.

although she did mention to me that it is hard work to have a tail, lol. Sitting down is not as easy now I guess!

It's Beginning to Look alot like...Halloween around here!

2010-10-07T17:53:00.003-04:00

Summer and I have driven by the gentleman that carves these witch's house everyday on the way to preschool. She delights in them. They are sceery! We had to get one for ourselves!

And as a matter of fact they are. Lol~ they catch my eye every time I come out the front door, and for a split second I do a double take. Apparently the feeling is common, for Jake has been muttering about how scary "that darn witch is" in the early mornings...LOL!

Mike Got a Gig

2010-10-02T12:05:00.007-04:00

It was a beautiful autumn night, cool and full of fall smells. Held outside at grape winery. People casually drank glasses of wine and brought picnics of casseroles and snacks. The fields behind of we filled with rows of grape vines, and children ran around and danced and played. It couldn't of been more perfect, more gentle for his first real time on stage.

He did great. He was well prepared. He had practiced and practiced for weeks. (for decades really) This was what he has been waiting for. He loves this.

You did awesome honey! I am so proud of you!

Letting Go

2010-09-13T11:35:00.004-04:00

I never realized I had such a tight fist on my children. I guess if in other circumstances, like an adrenaline pumped life or death situation, I of course would know. I could prove. I could use that tight clasp to show.

But this is 360 of that. This is not lifting a car off their body to save their life. This isn't walking through flames. This is the complete opposite. This is trusting all the precious time I had before this moment, to have faith I served them well, and to let go.

You know that moment. It comes in little practice spurts as they grow. Oh, like riding the bus for the first time to Kindergarten (I follow Tatum in my car), or letting them ride their bikes off your street.

But this. This is the real McCoy. This ain't playin.

This is that moment in time where you uncomfortably sway from foot to foot. Wanting to be strong, feeling your child's esp message saying..."Come ON Mom". You hope that you taught them well. You actually feel fear. All that time of them growing up, that seemed like forever to live...all those moments you HAD to teach them, are gone. It is gametime. It's now. Put up or shut up. The grains of sand are gone. Prove it.

Tatum is with a boy. She and he really really like each other. They are together whenever they can be. All I know is she is NOT here. Lol...she is missing our little group of 6's dinners and talks and car rides instead to opt for her own plans. She is pushing curfew every night, and off in her car with her own job and school and life {sob} it seems.

She is smart. And headstrong, and beautiful and independent. And I couldn't be prouder. But she has become HER.

Jake I let ride his bike to school today. 6:30 in the a.m. With a bike lock, cell phone and promise to call me as soon as he got there. My son is OUT THERE with CARS.

Cars people.

Ouch. That one hurt so bad. The fist reacted strongly to that.

They are coming left and right now. These bittersweet moments. Soon my hand will not be in a fist at all, but open for when THEY chose to come back to hold it.

"There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings."
Hodding Carter

This Boy...is a teenager

2010-09-08T10:36:00.000-04:00

This boy...keeps me on my toes...day and night.

Has me chasing my tail, up nights biting my nails, worrying about him.

This boy...is SLAMMING into his teenage year, not walking or running, but full forcing going. {{with him, I would expect nothing less :) }}

This boy makes me laugh like no other, and comes up with ca-raziest ideas. He makes me so proud, and tires me out all in the same second.

This boy has my heart...and I am so blessed to get the chance to be his mom. I just hope we both make it one piece!

Happy 13th Birthday Jake! I love you!

The New Me

2010-09-01T15:24:00.016-04:00

It has been a long process to get to this point! Whew. I know everyone keeps saying, Gosh! You have all the kids in school, how is it?!?! But to tell the truth, it is not like ripping off a band aide...not immediate results. This is a long drawn out process, that is wonderful and busy but certainly not immediate. This IS the year that all four are out of the house at once and I for the first time in almost two decade do not have someone in my care! But, Lol, it has almost been a tapered deprogramming session to get to the real experience of what that is like.

On Tuesday (August 24th) Jake was the first to start school. Jr High. 7th grade. He is doing so awesome, his dad and I can hardly believe it. Getting up at 6 am is no easy task!

On Wednesday (August 25th) Tatum was the next to go. Junior in High School. 11th grade. How did this happen. I must have blinked.

On Thursday (August 26th) Matt started 4th grade. He got a WONDERFUL teacher this year, and with new glasses to help with his tracking disorder, we are hoping for positive GOOD year!

After a weekend of a fishing derby (Matt), volunteer at the Free Store (me), special day with grandma (Summer), Work (Tatum), bonfire (Tatum), and general catch up, on Monday August 30th Summer started PRESCHOOL! No tears and alllll smiles!

Day one...I got a pedicure and a milkshake. It didn't feel as much as a break as I hoped and dreamed and hoped and dreamed. I ran to the grocery, did the ledger, picked Jake up from Cross Country, and before could set my purse down, Mike and Tatum both were at the house (my private house...wahhh!) the whole time and I was new at this....

Honestly with alll the paperwork for 4 schools, medical release forms, picture days, the rigorous cross country schedule, keeping up just with catching buses, writing lunch checks, clean clothes, food in the house, and my end of business afloat, my head has been spinning. So I didn't even know where to start!

Day two...My mom came over and we after we dropped off Summer we decided to go to Hobby Lobby and redecorate my tv cabinets. They were dusty out of date messes that hadn't' been done in a decade. It was fun! I was warming up!

Day Three and I think I was starting to get broke in. I had decided in my "catch up on life project" that I was going to PAINTEVERYROOM, ceilings and all, and clean the carpets after, meanwhile asses anything needing repair room by room, update, clear out and organize. I was starting with the family room which is cake. Three walls. Not much to it. I had done some of the decorating yesterday! This summer I had purged and really cleaned the room out. I really just had to paint and clean carpets and minor things.

Mike told me he didn't think this was a good idea. There was crown molding that was "crisp". He was afraid I wouldn't edge careful enough. Yada yada yada.

But you know what..this was suppose to be our summer project that never happened. I was going to make it happen.

Bah. I called him halfway through taping the crown molding after taking all the light switches down, buying paint and dropping off Summer at preschool. He laughed at finding out that I really was painting that day. Silly man...

As his business ventures grow bigger and bigger, and his nights out playing guitar increase, I realize that no one is asking me to make any major decision or to play background music. I need to do that myself. I am me, and although we ARE a team, Alanis Morrisette says it best as "I believe that one and one make two." I had it wrong in my teenage wisdom.

This is a phase I have never had, and after 17 years it will be liberating. I started to smile. It was as left alone as I have been in a long while. I was on my own plan and okay with it. I cracked open that paint can!

Updates~

2010-08-17T17:17:00.003-04:00

***Jake's test results came back just fine for his chest and back! I am so relieved and thankful! Apparently he just has a thick bone in front that we will watch through puberty??

***School starts next week for the kids and each one starts on a different day!!!! Whew! Jake start 7th grade on Tuesday, Tatum starts her Junior Year on Wednesday, Matt starts 4th grade on Thursday, and Summer starts Preschool the following Monday. I am SO READY!!!!

***We put on our super cat savers capes today and found the home for a lost kitty. We had to keep it overnight, and the kids loved on it. Mike was ready to ditch some of our cats for this one, and I was lost as how what to do with a 5th cat! But it was all worth it when the owners were found and the man said he couldn't wait to get it home to his wife and daughter who had been crying all night :)

**Last week Jake started Cross Country. I crack myself up thinking of the runners in the movie Juno every time. Actually this has been quite a huge adjustment for him and I can't believe he has stuck with it. {we almost fell over when we saw he signed up!}

He has traded in sleeping in till 2 pm for getting up at 7 am. And yesterday and today they ran them FIVE miles. He actually threw up ( apparently many of the runners do???)today. I really couldn't be prouder. This is the best thing ever for him!

***Matthew just got to spend two nights at grandma's house, and had his fill of baking cookies and swimming and undivided attention. He is home now, and already the house seems so much busier and louder and fuller, lol~

My take on Marriage~today at least/ letter to Mike

2010-08-12T17:08:00.003-04:00

Where do I start??? And how do I diplomatically explain this all without making me look so bad, lol?

All marriages have peaks and valleys. When you are at the top of a peak you feel empowered. "We did it! We can do this - see! We can show the world! You and Me, babe!"

And when you hit the valleys you have to just ride them out. Ride and ride sometimes. This is where we loose alot of people I think today.

They fold.

If the valley is long enough I can understand the temptation. Especially if you feel you are in the valley alone.

I was raised in a family though luckily where marriage was forever. Like for real. No matter what. Problems arose and things got ugly, and you just stuck it out and were together. There was not divorce. Mike came from the exact opposite, but the result of his line of thinking came to the same place. His parents divorced and things were so raw and sad and loud and ugly that he knew he never wanted that either. I think that is a part of why our marriage has lasted so long is just the mentality of "We are together. Period."

It has been a hard balance for me to digest the whole definition of "ME". We are partners, but one has the career and one stays home with the children. (don't get me wrong about reading this sentence- It was my life dream to get to stay home and raise babies. That was the best wish come true!) But with that entails the One has the income, the status, the time clock, and the power. You really loose your sense of partnership in there- how could you not??

If he leaves for work before the kids gets up- and gets home after they go to bed...did he still get to fit in a workout at the Y??...is home late because of his guitar gig?? -when he comes home he wants me to watch his guitar gig on the computer and I don't...he is mad. Does he not know that right before he walked in I peeled the sleeping 3 year old off my chest after 45 minutes of trying to get her to sleep. that I worked in the office on his business for 3 hours that day. That I did dishes and laundry, and drove the boys around. That I battled our preteen over video games, and got the garbage to the curb for garbage night. That I vacuumed and washed Summer's hair with knots and that's she had 2 tantrums that day. That I deposited money in the bank and made sure the 16 year old was home by curfew. That I JUST haven't had a minute to myself yet, that I even had to poop with a preschooler and a cat and a 9 year old knocking at the door???

Do I support his playing????

Well...did you just read the previous paragraph?

I may not be able to sit throughout the video. I'm so sorry. Tatum had just walked in with my damn Cinamelt from McDonald's, and LA ink was on. I hear you play guitar throughout the air vents for HOURS every. single. night.

But do I support you???

Ha.

I think I've got your back. And if you don't see that then I'm hurt. Man. I need a moment too. I love you. Go chase your dream. Help me chase mine. But we have to be aware of our other half.

Summer Antics

2010-08-07T23:44:00.007-04:00

Summer being a dog...for an entire afternoon!

Her Single Ladies dance at her dress rehearsal...she had the whole place laughing!

braids from Sissy

a swollen goose egg that turned into TWO black eyes. She totally looked like avatar...

13 year Check Up

2010-08-05T18:33:00.004-04:00

Today I had to take Jake for his 13 year check up. He doesn't officially turn 13 until September 8th, but with Cross Country starting next week, I had to get his physical in...

.
.

I love this time with this kids. It's almost like a prideful time to show them off with the doctor. Sick visits and other visits are awful, and painfully icky and slow...but their yearly check ups I look forward to. We get to talk with the Doctor ALL about them...and the pride in me makes me cluck like a mother hen :)
.
.

The boy has grown 5 inches since last summer! And put on 20 lbs! I swelled with inner pride as the doctor breezed in and first commented at HOW MUCH the two of us are starting to look like each other. She knows what a hoot he is and said she loves our banter. She laughed because he wore underwear this time....(last time he surprised us ALL when she peeked for the exam, and he was going commando for the day...@!) We talked about the frustrations of ADD and changed his meds for the upcoming school year. We got excited about Cross Country and she gave a firm hand in the department of him not staying up so late, hence sleeping all day...
.
.
Then as I was on cloud nine with how smoothly it all was going...she asked what was going on with his chest? Could he take off his shirt? What is this??
.
.
Jake in his maddening way pipes in that yes he had told me about that but I was too busy or didn't pay attention...
.
.
Chest xrays are ordered, and she is filling out paperwork...."don't you see this Lump of bone? she asks? On one side of his chest. By his heart?? This whole side is uneven...
.
.
WWWhhhatt?!?
.
.
She assures we just need to get it checked out...but try to tell a mother not to worry!
.
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What in the world could this be. Oh please Lord, let it be something silly and little...!
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.
So I am off to get it checked out tomorrow!
.
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Rotten kids.
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.
They sure like to keep life interesting...sigh...:(

August!

2010-08-03T17:02:00.003-04:00

That point in the summer has come. I have been fulfilled. I have accomplished the essence needed to call it a summer, and have the strong desire in me for the lazy chaos to be rattled into a more uniform schedule of school.

The bottom of my feet have been blackened well from walking outside without shoes. I have established my horrible 2nd shift life style upon my children to which we all embrace all too willingly...lunch at 3pm...Dinner not until 10pm...bedtime by 2am.... not dare waking before 10 to 11 am. We have all done the mandatory but fabulously wonderfully horrible 40 hour car trip in which we endured siblings, and calls of nature, and popped tires.

We grilled out, and enjoyed friends, and ate ice cream.

We swam, and our skins are brown, and our hair has lightened.

But I am toast. No more can these children be in this house lounging, eating, arguing, and watching tv. I need to clean this place up, and keep it that way for 20 minutes :) I need to be able to hear myself think....

I am ready. God Bless August. You are here. You have come to take them. I appreciate the wonders we have had!

Free Store

2010-07-31T21:19:00.003-04:00

Today I worked my Saturday at the freestore. How sad it is that is such a busy place and grown in such need in just the time that I have worked there.

We had a case of a homeless elderly couple that came in that had been living week to week in a hotel, but now had downsized to their car. The gentle man came in and when I asked if I could help..if he would like a drink and a doughnut, he said yes, but he thought his wife would really like one too. I encourage her to come in also!, but he explained that she couldn't walk well and that couldn't see good because of cataracts. We went to help her in and saw quickly how very sadly she needed really a wheelchair and realized that they both were sitting in their own soil.

Just last month many of OUR resources...the names WE give out to these people for help, shut their doors and asked us to no longer give out their numbers. That they had run out of funds and could not help any longer. We are just a church that runs on donations, and the need seems so great.

Social Services was closed for the weekend. We couldn't not leave them. We called the police who came and I think treated them very nice. The lady left in a stretcher. There was doubt and controversy over this because people were concerned that this was not help, and that they would just be put back out on the street. I know this to probably be true, but I felt good knowing that for today they were cleaned up and helped. What could we do?

Mixed in with of the sad there is such hope though. Such good people working and doing God's work. Sweet stories of wonderful people. I met a lady today who was in her 60's with twin sons in their 20's. One had been born handicapped. Here she was in her 60's still trying to make due. She had come looking for men's ties. Her healthy son had gotten a job! He needed them to keep looking nice everyday! I showed her the few we had and she beamed and took them all! LOL~Good luck to him!

I met an elderly gentlemen who's sole purpose was to find himself a suit. He wouldn't take the bag of food (though he probably could of used it just a bad as anyone else). I couldn't believe my eyes when in the mish mash of jackets and pants I found a 3 piece suit in his size! I told him it was like it had been placed there for him! He was thrilled and left with only his suit :)

Tonight, as I am so very blessed with my health and family and home, I ask God to please watch over these sweet souls out there that are no different than me, and deserve no less than any of us...and to thank Him for this opportunity to be his hands and feet for...and to remember to do it every chance I get!

Vegetarian Cat

2010-07-27T00:48:00.004-04:00

Today, while hanging out with the kids in the office, our cat Abby came in. I offered her my left over milk from my cereal bowl, to which she promptly sniffed and walked away from. Later as we sat around we were eating fruit and Abby was NOT shy about letting us know she WANTED SOME! She smelled our peaches and WANTED some!
She licked it like there was no tomorrow, biting into it even. She did the same with grapes!

We of course thought this was SUPER cool, and laughed and watched the dumb cat eat fruit.

Who knew?!?!

(it doesn't take much to amuse us apparently, Lol)

Swirling Thoughts

2010-07-24T12:37:00.002-04:00

It has been so so very hot here.

It reached around 95 with humidity yesterday. Around the same today. Mike just came in from getting the mail and said it was about the same....maybe a little hotter.

It is that point in the summer where the grass starts to loose the green and shades of brown touch. Porch flowers die unless you faithfully water everyday, and your air conditioner runs non stop to try to keep up with keeping cool.

My heart has been so very heavy this week with the sadness of a family I do not even know. They live just a street over and their 3 year old little girl drown in their out of ground pool in the back yard. The girlfriend of the uncle (the guardian) ran inside just for a moment to the kitchen, and the little girl climbed the ladder into the pool. I pass their house everyday and my heart breaks. That was just Monday. I have done all the mind games of last week at this time... If only.... She was Summer's age....How easy this could of happened... I see the broken down pool in their back yard now and it is so serile.

I have been muddling through piles of laundry and paperwork for work. Slowly making progress. I have been embracing and enjoying the new maturity of my growing son who is reaching teenage years so soon. It is also maddening, but I can catch glimpses of the fun relationship that Tatum and I have and it is exciting.

Summer is moving surely steadily away from all signs of babyness. She is going to preschool this fall and I can see why! She is becoming big and smart and independent.

Chance is doing well and healing good after his operation. He has his embraced his non gender and is loving as ever. He validates every day that money can't put a price on love.

My signature! My blog design got removed! I was stricken with what to do. I actually thought of folding up shop, but I am trying out a couple of designs and trying to be inspired.

"Life is a journey, not a destination" Ralph Waldo Emerson